Letters

Letters

Gangsters Don’t Steal!

Hey there. I’m writing from Fired Up! punk and ska zine. We did an interview with Gangster Fun, and I want to put in a little something about them before the interview. I read what Julio Diaz wrote [in the ____ 1998 issue – ed.], and I really liked it. I am asking for permission to put this article in our next issue of Fired Up . If you could please get back to me as soon as possible, I would greatly appreciate it. Thank you.

–Christine Cayton

Julio Diaz responds: Thanks for your note and compliments, Christine. I’d be honored to have you reprint the review. This is a good time to remind our readers that if you’d like to reprint material from Ink Nineteen , we’d like you to ask. We don’t bite! Usually we’re more than happy to allow you to reprint our articles, as long as you ask us.

••

Chick Lick Rock?

Oh my god! I’m 20 and found a flyer in my neighbor’s mailbox about the Murmurs’ last show in Santa Barbara, and even though I don’t have an ID, I snuck in the back door of the club. Anyway — I have since turned lesbian, come out to my parents, and been disowned – got my tongue and face pierced (thinking about doing the clit) and am enjoying my new lifestyle to the max. Thanks for helping me find myself… but as far as your music goes, I really preferred that other band that played – the Mades. Is she a lesbian too, that singer? She’s pretty hot. I hope you come back to Santa Barbara again soon… we love you here.

–Anonymous, via e-mail

Uh… thanks!

••

Monkey Business, Take 1

Do you know where I can get more information on Lancelot Link, Secret Chimp? Thanks.

–Anonymous, via e-mail

Dear Lancelot Link fan,

Hello, this is Ink Nineteen’s monkey editor. I received your inquiry and was able to find the following Web site (see below) which catalogues famous monkeys. However, you will notice that LANCEY has been left off. Why, I do not know.

I may get the time to do a more thorough search, in which case I’ll contact you. We can also approach the Nickelodeon people, who used to air episodes of the great TV show years ago. Perhaps they own the tapes.

Frequently, I find myself staring in the mirror late at night, with toothpaste dripping from my chin, wondering whatever happened to Lancelot and Francy, and what that blue gum of theirs tastes like. Hmmm.

Thanks for your interest in his simian mastery.

Sincerely,

Dr. Monkey Licious

••

Monkey Business, Take 2

Came across your reference to my chimp J. Fred Muggs. A little known fact: that little guy J. Fred Muggs was directly responsible for $100,000,000.00 worth of business at NBC. Had he not been affiliated with the Today show of the ’50s, it would have been canceled. The show was failing, [but] within thirteen weeks of Muggs’ appearance the advertising for the show’s time spots was sold out. Muggs is still alive and doing well, living in Tampa, Florida. At age 46, and doing well, thank you! I should know. I own him.

–Bud Mennella, Owner/partner, J. Fred Muggs Enterprises

Dear Mr. Manella,

Hello. As the monkey editor of Ink Nineteen magazine, I feel the need to inform you that we are all thrilled to have received the news from you and J. Fred Muggs. Great to hear he is still kickin’ and monkeyin’ around.

However, I found the last line of your note to be rather distasteful and unmonkey-like. “I should know, I own him.” Or he OWNS you? Let’s face it, a monkey “owner” is really not the possessor of anything but a couple of thumbs. We all know who the real boss is around here, now, don’t we?

You must know my good friend Lenny the Monkey Man. Eh?

Thanks for writing, it sparked excitement and curiosity in all of us here at Ink Nineteen . Can J. Fred Muggs still flick people off, make disgusting fart noises, and slap the shit out of unsuspecting coffee drinkers?

Sincerely,

Dr. Monkey Licious.

••

Too Much Monkey Business

Ed. note: The following letter came in exactly as you see it:

I agree monkeys are nasty they say there so smart dogs are better you don’t see dogs wearing diapers like those dumb monkeys and monkeys will pick up there poop and throw it at you there nasty the only good monkey is a sea monkey

–Anonymous, via e-mail

Dear Sir and/or Madam:

It has recently been called to my attention (and I am the monkey editor) that you have a great distaste for the simian beast. What a pity.

However, due to your lack of grammar and impassioned writing, I don’t feel like this is such a great loss.

If you would like to get in touch with your inner monkey, there are a number of support groups who can help. As well, a barrel full of Web sites have chosen to monkey around on this topic as well. Point your forgotten tail at this Web site as a start to find out more about monkeys who are far more famous than you or I will ever be:

http://www.evl.uic.edu/caylor/MONKEY/famousmonkeys.html

Remember that without that thumb of yours you are nothing!

Have a nice day, and thanks for your e-mail.

Sincerely,

Dr. Monkey Licious

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