I Hate Love

Roi J. Tamkin

I hate being in love. I hate that overwhelming feeling of being lost in another person, a person who is really a stranger that you have invited into your life after a few dinners and movies. I hate feeling helpless, subservient, wistful, and all so emotional. I hate goo-goo eyes and baby talk. I can’t stand pet names, and I don’t ever want someone to call me “Boo.” Being in love sucks.

“heartbroken”

What’s so great about love? A complete stranger comes into your life and turns everything upside down. They listen to your favorite CDs, eat your favorite food, then sleep on your half of the bed. And they lie! They say they’ll be with you forever then leave you for some guy/chick with long hair and a motorcycle. Then after two years of depression and therapy, you go out looking for the next total stranger to walk all over your life.

How can someone fall in love with a stranger?

I can understand loving your parents and family. I love my country. I love a good beer on Saturday night, and I absolutely love warm apple pie with my Sunday dinner. But I can’t love a complete stranger.

I was born an individual, and it took me years to develop my personality. Then I went through therapy to better understand this individual I have become. To fall in love means letting go of the individual and to embrace becoming a couple. I’m not ready to give up my ego yet. I see becoming a couple as trauma. Two individuals with all their baggage and unresolved issues colliding into one another and melding into one dysfunctional being. That’s how I define “relationship.”

There is a joy to freedom. A single person is the sole decision-maker and is in complete control of his/her life. A single person never has to ask for permission to play golf on Saturday or to go out drinking later that night. Being single means saving money at the movies or restaurants, since you’re buying for one. Being single means doing what you want whenever you want.

Basically, I have no responsibilities. Love ties you down to a particular person and a particular place. Love keeps you at home. It makes you dutiful. Love could potentially keep you sober longer than you want to be. Love is a burden, keeping you strapped to another person, doing their bidding at their command.

I advocate that we toss out this love thing and just start liking people. When you like someone, you’re still free to like lots of other people at the same time. Try that with love! You’re not wrapped up with syrupy feelings, and there’s no obligation to continue liking someone forever. You can lie to someone you like and not feel guilty. They might resent you now, but they’ll still like you later. I like like. Liking people is cool. It’s love that gives you all the headaches. ◼