Bladejob

Matthew Damascus, a trash-culture obsessive at best, has for too long ventured beyond the comforting fold of metal and noise-music criticism to vent about his unfaithful love, wrestling. He pouts too much during Monday Night Raw to be of any use to WWF fans, and he doesn’t have the money to buy tapes. Frets about Raven quite a bit. He feels very silly right now.

I Guess Nothing Really Changes

Bladejob

Matthew Damascus shakes his head and mutters dark curses against the phony gay wedding angle on Smackdown, and then marks out over the Axl Rose comeback.

Back So Soon?

Bladejob

Is that Bladejob? Where did you come from? How about that WWE? How about that “HLA”?

Maybe Rocky Doesn’t Suck (After All)

Bladejob

An oddly optimistic look at the (timely) mainstream crossover appeal of the Rock, courtesy of “Bladejob”. Yes, yes, but The Mummy Returns is still a piece of shit!

That Night Of Nights

Bladejob

The by-no-means definitive guide to centering your whole April 1st around, yes, Wrestlemaniaaaaaaa! A “Bladejob” exclusive.

Some Girls Are Bigger…

Bladejob

Perhaps Ziggy could play guitar, but there were many things he could never dream of doing. Like wrestle, for instance. A mostly, really, probably true Bladejob investigation on Akira Hokuto.

Twenty Lightbulbs (Of Hope) For 2001

Bladejob

List-Mania is running wild all over Bladejob. Shudder in terror as Matthew Damascus struggles to pick out the bright spots for wrestling in 2001.

Bastard Obligatory Year-End List Mania Now

Bladejob

It’s time for Bladejob to dole out dubious year-end honors for the “best” that Wrestling had to offer in 2000. Objectivity and common sense went right out the window…

Goddamn! What A Disturbing Triple H Video!

Bladejob

Goddamn! What A Disturbing Triple H Video! That really kind of says it all, doesn’t it? Matthew Damascus critiques the cinematic techniques of a villain’s intro video in “Bladejob”.

Ms. World Will Kill You (Part I)

Bladejob

Matthew Damascus returns to devote Bladejob entirely to the most fearsome woman in wrestling EVER– spiked blue hair, capes, bound feet, Duran Duran makeup, and a brutal guillotine legdrop– it has to be Bull Nakano.

Vampire Weekend Warriors

Bladejob

Bladejob bites the hand that feeds it and watches the blood flow with a look at vampires and wrestling. Not what you’d expect. And more effusive praise for Steve Corino. Some would call it bad timing…

Rum, Sodomy And the Lash

Bladejob

The Sandman is a liability for ECW and he should be cut loose, says Bladejob. Avert your eyes from the naked drunk wrestlers in the ring, please. Trauma of the highest degree when ECW comes to Pensacola.

Your Wrestling Toy of the Week is- Justin Credible?

Bladejob

When I see Justin Credible, I don’t think “eyebrows better suited for that creepy gossip writer on E! Gossip Show.” What were they thinking? I realize that they are trying to avoid the Ziggy Stardust glam stigma of no eyebrows at all, but these eye-mustaches are ridiculous.

Not So Awesome Now…

Bladejob

Ladies and gentlemen, Mike Awesome is in the building. What can I say, I was sucked in by the hype and impressed by the execution. It’s one of those surreal moments that ONLY happens in professional wrestling. Felt like one of those comic books where fucking Loki or the Red Skull shows up to fight Spider Man, and it’s a total shock crossover, worlds colliding. For that one moment it worked. Awesome then proceeded to smash a crutch over Nash’s body and flicked off the audience while the announcers sputtered on about how he had an ECW title defense on Thursday. Awesome, rocking the lustrous Bon Jovi mullet WITH fanny pack, and somehow pulling off the look, picked up the mic and…

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