The Adventures of Curious Jorge 2000
G. “Main Mono” Monkey
Curious Jorge was a monkey, and a cheeky monkey at that. He lived outside of the city in the suburbs with the Man in the Feathered Hat’s home. But Curious Jorge grew tired of living in this home, so he decided to run away.
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One day when the Man in the Feathered Hat wasn’t home, Curious Jorge got into the old man’s liquor cabinet. Before long Curious Jorge had drunk all of the Thunderbird and MD 20/20 – only this monkey wasn’t seeing clearly anymore. He crawled to the garage and fired up the yellow Cadillac to take him to the big city.
Curious Jorge’s first stop in the city was at the house of his old friend Jimmy Hyena. Jimmy had been Jorge’s pusher for years, going way back to the Africa days. But when Jorge arrived, Jimmy wasn’t too pleased to see him; he was strung out on some bad shit. There was a lady wombat overdosing on the shag carpet and Jimmy had somehow managed to smear fecal pellets all through his hide. “Jorge, man. I told you not to come ovah unannounced an’ shit. I need to know when you’ze gonna be in town so dat I can clean shit up first… besides, you never know who’s watching.”
“I’m sorry man, I woke up with the shakes, and thought you might be able to hook me up with some of those fine-tasting banana peels you had last time,” said a curiously jonesing Jorge as he slid Jimmy Hyena a twenty. “I brought my own pipe and even… “
“Sure man, anyting for an old school playah like you, bitch,” said Jimmy Hyena as he handed Curious Jorge a bag of shit and pushed him out of the apartment, locking the door behind him.
Curious Jorge wasn’t put out by his friend’s rude behavior. Jimmy got kind of manic when he was “on”. Besides, Jorge got what he wanted.
Curious Jorge packed his pipe and then smoked that glass dick till there was nothing left, not even ashes or Chiquita stickers. He was high as a meercat and ain’t nothing was gonna bring his ass down. He climbed back into the old man’s Caddy and took off for his favorite club, The Tops ‘N’ Tails.
Sitting at the bar was Old Gimlet, Curious Jorge’s best monkey friend. They’d known each other since reform school where they used to drink cocktails made of cough syrup and mouthwash.
Old Gimlet didn’t notice Curious Jorge at first. He was busy watching a naughty Mink and Ferret do a “lesbian” routine on the dance floor. He pulled another crumpled dollar out of his pocket and snapped it into the garter of the Mink. “Let’s see some action baby,” he gurgled out of the electro voice box protruding from his neck.
Curious Jorge took a seat next to Old Gimlet and patted him on the back, “hey Gimlet, it’s me, Curious Jorge! I’m out man, I left the old faggot back in the burbs and I’m gonna stay in the city from now on.”
Old Gimlet smiled, nodded, held a cigarette up to the electro voice box’ hole in his throat and took a drag. “Cool daddy-o, “ he gurgled, exhaling smoke from the electro box. “Whaddoyou say we blow dis joint and get us some real tails?”
The allure of a prostitute was fresh and stinky to Curious Jorge. He was ready for action, only he’d been hitting the glass dick so hard that his driving capabilities were severely impaired. This didn’t stop him or Old Gimlet though. The two monkeys leapt into the Cadillac and took off down the road to pursue erotic adventures of untold delights. ◼
