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you know it, you love it: C A F É RisquÉ

Gregory Schaefer

The radio sucks. You’re tired of all the tapes you brought. The right half of your butt hurts from not moving in a few hours. You’re hungry and ready to get off the road. And there it is, like an oasis of heaven: Cafe Risqué. I got a hunch that you might want some sex with that lunch. Looking for a cup of coffee that really is BOTTOMLESS? This IS the place.

Whether you enjoy seeing their disgusting neon billboards with faded pictures of nasty women or not, you know it is out there. Their billboards ring in a sigh of relief for the driver looking for something to occupy the boredom. They also create awkward moments for couples and parents. Driving past the clubs, you’ll always be amazed by how packed the parking lot is. Everyone who has ever driven in the Southeast probably knows about the infamous Cafe Risqué.

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After a nice day of brunching at Mildred’s and antique shopping in Micanopy, we headed to Cafe Risqué for some lunch and some naked women. My girlfriend and a female friend of ours hopped over to the green and neon building on the side of I-75.

The entrance door boasts a sign which reads something like “We feel that our cover charge is a cheap fee considering the entertainment. If you asked a woman at K Mart or the Grocery Store to take off her clothes and dance for you, she’d call the police. So please respect… blah blah blah.” There are some other signs around the club that threaten to throw you out if you are rude or offensive to the ladies… or perform or solicit a sexual act… or don’t continuously pay cash (I’ve heard that the average male customer at any strip club pays about one dollar for every minute he is there).

After a six-dollar – seven after seven PM – cover charge for me (it is always free for the ladies) we were let in through the electric doors. I was immediately disgusted by the place. “What a shit hole,” I thought as I looked at the inside of a yellow and neon-lighted Denny’s that had naked women dancing.

We grabbed a table and after some tiny $3.50 Cokes, we were completely ignored by our waitress even though we were gonna buy some of their OVERPRICED food. Her rudeness is essentially what made us leave so much earlier than planned.

The other customers were all being served and were all munching on sandwiches and chips. Some were right up with the girls at the bar they danced on (all tables faced this bar/stage area. There was always two women completely naked, dancing and swaying and grinding around the stage. There were a few others walking around in lingerie. Some were dancers, some were waitresses. The clientele consisted of overweight bearded truck drivers. But beauty does not seem to be an important factor at the Cafe. Judging by the looks of the women dancing we realized that the Cafe doesn’t care about beauty, only nudity. The women up there were not attractive at all, but they were naked.

The prettiest girl in the club had to spoil her beauty by taking a fat-ass bearded trucker into one of the “lap dancing” booths. These were located in another room where more dancers perform at night and where the men’s room was. I got a good glimpse of the dancing chambers, shower, and bedroom setup rooms.

We were hungry and not excited or impressed by the dancers. The decor made me want to vomit and the sex store looked small and scary. We decided to split. Besides, we’d been there for twelve minutes and I’d already spent $15 dollars. The odds were against us and it was time to go.

I had this great idea to write an article about Cafe Risqué, only I’d heard that they don’t do interviews. However I met two women who work there and got to do an interview in secrecy. Before tackling this job, I decided that I need some more time to revisit the Cafe and research the ins and outs of one of North Florida’s landmarks. So look out for a bigger, all-encompassing article on the cafe that BARES ALL! ◼