I Was in ‘Nam
“I wonder what the sub is gonna be like,” whispers Tommy to his friend Suzy. “I hope that it’s not Mrs. Schissle, she looks like a goat.” They both laugh. When the bell rings, and there is still no teacher in the classroom, the students only do what is natural: stand up and start to talk, yell, scream, holler, shout, and so on until the door swings open, slamming against the wall, knocking down several posters of dead presidents.
In walks a balding, middle-aged man in a brown suit with a black brief case. He slams it down on the table, getting the attention of those that didn’t notice him when he came in. In a loud, commanding voice, he says “So what was your teacher talking about before she left?” The room was silent. “Well, does anybody know?” Now aggravated by the students’ level of cooperation, he sits down and says “Well, if no one knows then I guess I will tell you about the last great war.”
“Was that World War OO?” asked Suzy. “No it wasn’t. I am talking about Vietnam”
“Hey mister, you know that this is a language classroom, right?” Jumping up from his seat the man screams at the boy, “Shut up and sit down, you will talk when talked to, you dumb punk kid. Vietnam was a war where we were fighting the commies, Charlie, and the gooks, where every day could be your last and I was in the middle of it.”
“Ah, excuse me sir, is this gonna be one of those ‘I was in Nam’ flashbacks? Is it? Cause I get enough of that stuff from my grandpa.” The class is now in roaring laughter. The veteran snaps and starts toward the kid, and mumbling something under his breath “This is Tango leader, I see one of those bastards now. He’s all alone — I am taking him out.” The wigged-out substitute is now inches from striking, and as he makes his move and starts to get ready, the bell rings. In fear, he hides on the floor. When the room is empty, he looks around and only sees jungle every where. Knowing that he is far from the rendezvous point, he starts to run with a stapler. Using it as a gun, he shoots a teacher or two before jumping through the school doors to the outside world.
Now on the loose, the crazy man looks around. He sees the rice paddy where the Huey will pick him up. Standing in the retaining pond of the school, he hears what is really the groundskeeper mowing the school lawn, but he thinks that it is the Huey comin’ to take him away. The lawn mower backfires, and he falls to the water with his hands in the air, and in a raspy voice says “they got me… They got me… “
The next two hours go by, and the police pull the man out of the water and strap him to a stretcher and into the ambulance. He is still acting as if he is dead as the ambulance pulls away.