The New York Press
April 1998 marked the 10th anniversary of this most-of-the-time readable free New York City weekly. In celebration, the Press ran a “What Were You Doing 10 Years Ago” essay contest, with a $1,000 first prize, $500 second prize and a $100 third prize. The rules were, “tell us what you were doing ten years ago in at least 1,500 words.” When it came time to announce the winners, the newspaper claimed “sorry, no one was good enough for any of the prizes.” They went on to insult the 350 entrants as “…deceptive, slacker East Village coffeeshop fuckwads of the sort our old friend Mark Kramer once called ectomorphic howdy boys,” and that they were tired of reading stories about college antics. This was unbelievable. They advertised a serious contest for a month, and then announce no winners. The tenth anniversary issue, did, however, carry stories of what the paper’s staff members were doing ten years ago. Most wrote about college adventures filled with taking drugs, explicit sex acts, masturbation, menstruation, urination, and other things clearly showing the tremendous intellectual prowess of the Press‘ writers. There was tremendous outrage vented in the Press‘ letters section, not that it mattered. Jerks.