“Greatest Tits” is how you pronounce the title of this exhaustive compilation of incredible great punk rock from the self-dubbed “greatest punk rock band in the world” called Nobodys. Their self-aggrandizing fame stemming from a poster appearing in the Ramones’ We’re Outta Here video, the Nobodys exhibit the best punk sense of humor I’ve exposed myself to in years. Not only are they masters of three-chord punk rock, but they’re the punk equivalent of say, Steve Martin or even George Carlin. Greatestits is a collection of fifty-two (that’s right, 52!) unforgettable punk rock one-liners that demand repeat plays (I listened to it a week straight — I did too!).

All their songs are about cheap sex, being stupid, taking drugs, or being constipated. As for that last topic, their song “Constipated,” with its chorus of “Constipated! Constipated/ I can’t shit” is only surpassed as a masterpiece of punk stupidity by the raging “God is Dead.” “Hate to Drive” is simply about hating driving, but really hating driving. “Vaseline and a Magazine” is about, um. Never mind! “Wetsheets” is about, er, hey! “I Never Wanted Anything to Change” is the saddest punk rock song I’ve ever heard. While listening to it I flashed back to my 14 year-old self when all my friends were “getting to know” girls and I started realizing that girls didn’t like me. Dude, if you’ve been into punk forever and are over 30, that song will knock you out.

The Nobodys play the great old-fashioned punk rock circa 1977, and have managed to form a composite of teen frustration from 1977 to 1997. It’s almost scary. “Thinking About You” is a punk love song sung by the “cute chick with a mohawk,” Julie Disaster, followed by their punk cover of “We Go Together” (from Grease), then they crush the upbeat touchy-feely with “Dumbfuck,” the lament of the kid who just does not fit in. Upbeat and full of pathos at the same time, this great punk collection is a must-have, especially for us Square Pegs. Hopeless Records, P.O. Box 7495, Van Nuys, CA 91409-7495

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