Beau Sia

Beau Sia

Attack! Attack! Go!

Mercury/Polygram

This is a spoken word/poetry thing with lots of pop-culture references. Track 3 is a half-minute masterpiece called “Nike.” It has samples of little girls chanting, “Teddy Bears, Teddy Bears, On Your Shoes… ” over the sound of either a really violent jump-rope or a whip cracking; I’m not sure which. In fact, there are plenty of half-minute masterpieces on this disc. For example, the crude “Time Share” and “Funny Poems.” I’m sorry, but I’m not allowed to type the words. Check this out: the CD booklet has got lots of pictures of Beau (I’m assuming), a Korean guy, dressed up in a business suit making different faces. On the reverse side, there’s an abundance of assorted poems printed (which are not on the disc), such as “Losing Control” (“Going limp trying to put the condom on”), “First Girlfriend” (“Had breasts in the third grade. At the time I didn’t know it meant she was fat.”), “Advanced Dungeons & Dragons” (“My life between the ages of eleven and seventeen”), and the almighty “Commitment No. 8” (“These are my socks. Please do not ruin what we have by borrowing them.”). Then there’s “Bumblebee,” “the dumbest Transformer to pick as your favorite.” “Superstar,” “My manager will tell me how good I still am. 30% sitting in his pocket like a curse on all the children who dared to dream… I’m a superstar until you’re told otherwise, so fuck off.” “High School,” “I hate high school. Cheerleaders die. SAT means nothing. Start a garage band, smoke lots of pot. When you go to prom, remember to get laid. Student council fuck yourself. Calculus sucks. I was never good at sports. Pee on things you’re told not to pee on.” This is what happens when some kid is too smart to do whatever. Mercury Records, 825 Eighth Avenue, Eigth Floor, New York, NY 10019

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