Bimbo Witches on Their Knees

Bimbo Witches on Their Knees

By Morris Sullivan, Patrick Barnes, John DiDonna, and Bobbie Bell

Theater Downtown, Orlando, FL

The Holiday Season crept back this week. Uber-putz Bennie (short for Ebeneezer, played by Andre Provencher) journeys to hell and partly back with lust replacing avarice in this collection of four loosely related plays. Bennie leads the race for the “Outstanding Sexual Harassment” award of 1999. After berating, groping, and seducing two hapless women, three Bimbo Witches send him on a Dickensian tour of harassment, past, present and future. Sort of.

Past shows two losers so desperate for sex they conjure up the Demon Slut from hell. Underachievers Johnny and Rick debate what scares white folks these days — young black men, or a bundle of sticks. This week, sticks win. Little miss DS livens things up with fishnets and spandex, offering to do ANYTHING for the boys, including the seldom attempted “tossed salad.” You’ve spent half you life hoping to meet her, and the other half glad you haven’t. Her simple offer — a threesome, or nothing. Scarier than the sticks, trust me.

The Present has little to do with sex, but tells the creepy story of Philip (Anthony Holsten) who swerves to avoid hitting a small boy. As he explains more and more about the accident he barely remembers, girlfriend Erin tries to convince him he’s not a hit and run driver. Pass the S’mores.

In the Future, Paul Puritan and sparkly Pixie experiment with some mild bondage. Paul slants a bit right of Jerry Falwell with his plan for fallen away Wiccan Pixie — Witch on a Stick. Sisters Dixie and Trotsky of the Socialist Wiccan Womyn’s Collective pass out literature, saving her from certain immolation and connecting Bennie with his feminine side. This potentially clever skit bogs down in a rather pedantic dialogue about Christianity vs. anything else, but Bennie rescues the audience by becoming even more obnoxious than he started, but in a nice sort of way. Well-intentioned people might say this play “is more sexist toward men than women.” It’s not. Packed with Hot Bimbos and jerky guys, don’t you believe it.

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