Darrin’s Coconut Ass


Dear Santa,

I know I was kinda naughty this year — buying gum with a penny slug, breaking my bat on Bobby’s head, putting a tack on teacher’s chair, and of course, the peanut-butter-and-jelly incident — but was I so bad that I deserved this all-covers EP from Goldfinger in my stocking? It’s Goldfinger recording their favorite tunes live in the studio — if they did this to songs they like , I’d hate to see what they did to songs they hated! I mean, if I wanted to listen to a thrashed-up version of the Cure’s “Just Like Heaven,” I’d go out and get Dinosaur Jr.’s, and I don’t think anyone ever wanted to hear a reggae-metal version of Bad Company’s “Feel Like Makin’ Love.” Was it necessary to make poor Peter Tosh roll over in his grave with this cover of “DownPresser Man” just to punish me? I suppose the Specials (“Nite Klub”), the Who (“The Kids Are Alright”), and the Police (“Man in the Suitcase”) must have been even naughtier that I was, if they deserved this treatment. Only the Buzzcocks (“You Say You Don’t Love Me”) and Joe Jackson (“Is She Really Going Out With Him?”) emerged relatively unscathed from this. I’ll do my best to be nice in 2000, Santa, I promise — but listen, next time I’m naughty, a lump of coal will suffice. If I’m presented with Goldfinger’s threatened new album in 2000, you’re gonna get yours, fat man.

I’d hate to see what they got in their stockings at Mojo Records, 1453 14th Street, Box 284, Santa Monica, CA 90404,, after releasing this. Must have been switches.


Mojo Records, 1453 14th St., Box 284, Santa Monica, CA 90404;

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