FOOD PACKAGING REVIEW: Ramen Noodles
by James MacLaren
Nissin¨ Top Ramen Chicken Mushroom Flavor
Your Local Grocery Store,
Soups & Crackers Section
Ramen noodles. You all know the drill with these things, right? Some kinda
damn ersatz pasta and DuPont’s (or is that Dow’s?) culinary finest in
chem-o-flavor that comes in a little foil packet. Fuckers run seven for a
buck and don’t really even qualify as proper food. Excepting the generous
portion of sodium (like any of our salt clogged systems need MORE of the
stuff), they’re right in there with cd cases on the nutritional value scale.
These things are what poor people eat ‘cause they can’t afford to buy really
expensive shit like, oh say CHICKEN. When I’m checking my budget toward the
end of the month, when beer money is running dangerously low and drastic
measures are in order, it’s off to the grocery store for a shopping cart
full of the damn things. Cost about three-fifty for the whole lot of ‘em.
So now that we know where we are here, let’s have a look at the package,
And right there on the back of the damn thing, in all it’s glory, is a
recipe for NOODLES MEDITERRANEAN.
Some pretty high-toned sounding shit if you ask me.
Got stuff in it like “fresh basil, shredded”, “hot cooked chicken,
julienne”, “cubed Roma tomatoes”, and several other items that sound about
as appropriate for use with ramen noodles as hitching a plow to the back of
your brand new Jaguar and going out into the field to turn some dirt with
Does ANYBODY read this kind of shit on the back of cheapie food packages?
Can the people buying this stuff read AT ALL? What in hell IS hot “hot
cooked chicken, julienne” anyhow?
Somewhere, in a large building downtown in some megalopolis, there’s a guy
sitting behind a desk who makes a hundred grand a year to come up with this
Knock it off, asshole!
Put a picture of a naked lady or something back there. Something somebody
just MIGHT wanna see. Instead of a bogus recipe for fancy schmancy shit that
nobody in the whole world is ever gonna go looking for on a package of
fucked up ramen noodles. Ok?