Inconvenience Store


Nissin¨ Top Ramen Chicken Mushroom Flavor

Your Local Grocery Store,

Soups & Crackers Section

Ramen noodles. You all know the drill with these things, right? Some kinda

damn ersatz pasta and DuPont’s (or is that Dow’s?) culinary finest in

chem-o-flavor that comes in a little foil packet. Fuckers run seven for a

buck and don’t really even qualify as proper food. Excepting the generous

portion of sodium (like any of our salt clogged systems need MORE of the

stuff), they’re right in there with cd cases on the nutritional value scale.

These things are what poor people eat ‘cause they can’t afford to buy really

expensive shit like, oh say CHICKEN. When I’m checking my budget toward the

end of the month, when beer money is running dangerously low and drastic

measures are in order, it’s off to the grocery store for a shopping cart

full of the damn things. Cost about three-fifty for the whole lot of ‘em.

So now that we know where we are here, let’s have a look at the package,

shall we?

And right there on the back of the damn thing, in all it’s glory, is a


Some pretty high-toned sounding shit if you ask me.

Got stuff in it like “fresh basil, shredded”, “hot cooked chicken,

julienne”, “cubed Roma tomatoes”, and several other items that sound about

as appropriate for use with ramen noodles as hitching a plow to the back of

your brand new Jaguar and going out into the field to turn some dirt with


Does ANYBODY read this kind of shit on the back of cheapie food packages?

Can the people buying this stuff read AT ALL? What in hell IS hot “hot

cooked chicken, julienne” anyhow?

Somewhere, in a large building downtown in some megalopolis, there’s a guy

sitting behind a desk who makes a hundred grand a year to come up with this


Knock it off, asshole!

Put a picture of a naked lady or something back there. Something somebody

just MIGHT wanna see. Instead of a bogus recipe for fancy schmancy shit that

nobody in the whole world is ever gonna go looking for on a package of

fucked up ramen noodles. Ok?

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