Second Open Letter To The Adoring Public
by Ed Sofield
It seems I am here once again, in front of our modern god the computer, risking life and limb (and probably getting some kind of cancer from the screen) just to lay some of my arcane knowledge on you. Wanna hear it? Here it go:
I FUCKING HATE MORRISEY.
It all starts out like this:
If any of you have been following my saga, you know that I no longer live amongst the palm trees and cool ocean breezes. Nope, I traded it all in for the stink and shit of NYC…right now, I am sitting in a tenement in Brooklyn taking care of three children. But, I digress. Being so busy trying to settle down, I kind of neglected my official duties as Ink 19 Prose-Master. I did not think that it was such a big deal….after all, it’s not like I get paid to do this.
One of the editors seemed to disagree. Thinking that I had deserted ship, he dreamed up the most horrid, painful disgusting punishment ever inflicted upon a living human being.
He put Morrissey on my page.
Now, a little more than two weeks later, if you look to the upper right-hand corner, you will see rock-n-roll god David Grohl. That is acceptable. Putting whiny-assed, ducks-ass-hairdo’d fucking shitfaced Morrissey is not. His reasoning was that Morrissey would get anyone to come out of their hole.
At the same time as this business was going on, I started my new job, as a gopher (you know, go-fer this, go-fer that). In the office is a ‘Gentleman’ (and I use that term soooooo lightly) from England. From Day One and every day since, I have been subjected to Morrissey, day in and out, every day, ‘Shoplifters of the World, blah-blah-blah-blah,’ forever and ever, amen. And when it isn’t the Prick — as I have nicknamed him — it has to be the Who, whom I don’t hate as much, or the Verve, whom I hate so much more.
Can this be coincidence? I don’t think so. Someone is trying very hard to drive me crazy……and I think it is working.
I would like to take this oppurtunity to side with Dirty Sanchez (who can be read in the NYPress) by saying that the best new music to come out of last century was made by Christina Aguilera, Miss Hot-Ass Spears, and those two completely ugly boy bands from O-Town, Florida.
If you disagree…..well, bollocks, mate……piss off!