EPCOT is a collection of cheesy advertisements!
by Isaac Airbourne
The first time I went to EPCOT, I was in about 3rd grade. That’s about 1983, I am guessing. At that time in my life, it was my favorite place in the world. I remember it being a place with all kinds of high tech computers and robots and imagination stuff and futuristic cars. That, it no longer is, for a few reasons.
For one thing, EPCOT’s technological projectionary presentations have not progressed along with current technology. You’d have to be a total hillbilly to be impressed with most of the stuff they try to show off. In “Innoventions” they have this little panel with a caterpillar on it, and it says, “press here”. You press it and it swivels the panel on a hinge, which makes the image of the caterpillar turn into a butterfly. Most people who walk up to it and press it are so used to seeing those magically transforming baseball cards and stickers that they end up thinking the thing is broken. “What is it supposed to do?” I must admit I was one of these people.
The International Showcase or whatever they call it pissed me off and ruined my evening, along with the gay (not meaning homosexual, just gay, as Chris Higgins uses the word) parade that started up when I was trying to leave the park. Those drummers can go and jump in a lake, with all their posing and face-making, pretending they’re having fun in those goofy suits. You could never pay me enough to do that shit. “But Isaac, it’s for the little kids!” I don’t give a shit, you should never lie to little kids like that. What is the point? One day they’ll be 14 and disillusioned and not trusting adults for lying to them for so many years. Drummers at Epcot don’t have fun doing that stupid dancing and making faces, I don’t care what anybody says, and all little kids should know this. Fake smiling is evil. Beyond that, exploiting culture and mershing it that way just leads to ignorance and racism eventually. “I love Chinese people” is no different from saying “I hate Chinese people”, when it comes down to it. They’re both just as bad because you’re defining Chinese people as some sort of concept that you can either “be” or “not be”. Whatever.
The most disturbing element of all of EPCOT, is of course, Future World or whatever. Point blank: The rides are just big commercials! Imagine watching TV for 4 hours, just commercials. No actual substance or point to it. Anyone would get mad and turn it off. But how many people pay $50 to get into this place and actually stand in hot, sweaty, crowded lines for Spaceship Earth, which is, A BLATANTLY, NOT EVEN TRYING-TO-BE-DISGUISED COMMERCIAL FOR AT&T?
The Land is a big-ass commercial for Nestle (formerly a commercial for Kraft).
The most disgusting of them all is The Universe of Energy, a long ride (with some really cool looking dinosaurs) hosted by a video of Ellen Degeneres. Now the most fucked-up thing about it is that they show you all this eye-candy and big robots and it’s a pretty neat little ride. But what it turns into is a bunch of propaganda from Exxon. They run you through a quick course at the end of the ride about the various sources of energy and why they all suck, including- water, wind, solar, fusion. This is done in a very classroom documentary-type of way, until you realize where it’s leading and the big EXXON jumps out in your face. To add further insult, they try to justify off-shore drilling as being the only solution to powering our civilization. Now I don’t know shit about offshore drilling, but since they went about presenting it in such an apologetic way, there’s obviously something dishonest and environmentally destructive about it.
What human being could go through EPCOT and not see this happening? Little kids take it in and don’t even realize what the whole thing is about. Freaking advertising. Not that there’s anything wrong with advertising…but not when it suffocates the content. That blatantly.
Jeesh.
