Junior Varsity


So you decided to skip the prom and its prototype frat boys and snob queens, and decided to hang out with the pep squad. The squad comes off as a bunch of straight arrows, but they still manage two thousand percent fun despite the lack of debauchery.

Junior Varsity is something like that. Three clean-cut Texas youngsters, looking like they stepped out the third reel of Back to the Future, banging out snappy numbers about poppa burgers, working at the bowling alley, and blowing up the school. Matt’s got the beat, Kimmie belts out the words and jangles the guitar, Rebecca holds down the bottom end, and Bippy The Bear (who was unavailable for this interview) is in charge of the dance moves. Multiple Ink 19 Junior Varsity Athletic Supporters (Ian Koss, Julio Diaz, Phil Bailey, and Andrew Chadwick) participated in this e-mail exchange with the team; read on and remember: there will be a quiz later on.

• •

What does it take to make the Junior Varsity team?

Rebecca : Focus and maturity, and reflexes like a cat.

Matt : Also a mild case of Cerebral Palsy that will keep you from competently playing your chosen instrument. Good hygene helps, too.

Kim : The ability to not take yourself seriously – at all!

Which character in Grease has had the most influence on your life?

Rebecca : Frenchy! She was so pretty and smart… ahh… ahh!

Matt : Plus she was a beauty school DROPOUT! Mine would be Doody! He had a small part as one of the gang members. He was a total retard.

Kim : Uhhhhh… Sandra Dee? Not too deep, eh? I’ve been sort of a nerd in school and life, so that’s the angle I’m goin’ for.

How did Bippy the Bear become your mascot?

Rebecca : He was fired from the circus for indecent exposure and was down on his luck. He ended up in the BEAR pound. They were going to put him to sleep, but we saved him.

If Bippy the Bear were a person rather than a bear, what sort of haircut would he have?

Kim : A long bowl haircut, with hair always hanging in his eyes.

Matt : I could see him in a crew cut just like Butchie Cordell’s.

Rebecca : I think he’d wear a flop-top.

What’s your team motto?

Rebecca : Kampai!!

Matt : That’s how you say “Cheers” in Japanese.

Do you have a big following in Japan?

Rebecca : I guess so…

Kim : Fairly big, since we [had] never been there! Our shows went well, so somehow, the Japanese kids are finding out about us.

Matt : Let’s put it to ya this way – we are more popular in Japan than we are in Houston. Of course, shit on a shingle is more popular than we are in Houston.

Who are your chief rivals?

Rebecca : Pokemon and the Beach Boys.

Matt : Yeah… we were playing K. Smith Elementary School this year, and about two songs into our set, a teacher announced a Pokemon giveaway on the other side of the schoolyard. All but about five of the kids took off in a mad sprint for Pikachu. We lost our audience. We can’t compete with Pokemon.

Since Pokemon is one of your main rivals, did you rumble while in Japan?

Matt : Naw… those Pokemon characters have too much security.

Rebecca : I did buy some Pokemon stuff over there… OOPS! Supporting the enemy again!


What are the Junior Varsity Goals? Which have been achieved and which still remain?

Rebecca : Well, we DID achieve world peace!

Kim : Unmet goal: To play with Puffy from Japan!

Matt : I’d like to play a reunion show with Houston New Wave legends the Judy’s.

Do you think you’ll make the Varsity squad in the new school year?

Matt : Very VERY doubtful! Haven’t you HEARD our records?!?!

How can I join the Junior Varsity pep squad? Do I have to go through any hazing rituals to join?

Matt : Oh… you are IN the unofficial pep squad! No hazing! If you want to join the OFFICIAL Junior Varsity Pepsquad, send $5.00 U.S. to JV Pepsquad, 4-234 O’Connor St., Ottawa, ON K2P 1T9, CANADA. Please include your name, age, T-shirt size, and sex. You’ll get a membership card, a T-shirt, a newsletter, a button, and other crap!

Do you think Johnny’s really going to ask Suzy out? And if he does, should she go for a milkshake and a movie with him?

Matt : He will… she’ll go. She’ll break his heart. The story is a million years old.

Any other advice for the kids?

Kim : Keep listening to rock and roll!

Matt : Don’t be a fool… STAY IN SCHOOL!

Rebecca : ALWAYS stay well groomed!

• •

Junior Varsity will appear in Athens, GA on August 12, as a part of the Kindercore Expo 2000. For more information on the 5-day festival, please visit And for more info on the J.V. kids themselves, please visit ◼

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