The Life and Times of Tanzee… part one
by Jason Nelson
Be careful what you do. They’re filming you. It might sound like a big, and way
too complicated project. But a loosely adjusted group of wealthy directors and
producers is making a movie about life. I know, I know, you’re saying the
existence of life hasn’t ever been convincingly proven, or is that someone else.
It’s hard to tell, with all of you crammed together so closely. The film makers
want to document life, all of it, as it happens. They’ve put movie cameras
everywhere. Before you start tearing apart your house and convulsing, just know
that they’re hidden so well that I doubt you’ll find one. Don’t be mad if
sections of your life are cut out. Despite the absolute need for certain bodily
functions, I’m pretty sure there are laws against showing defecation on the big
screen, at least up close. Also, don’t get annoyed if some special effects are
added. A few explosions and cartoon characters will add some much needed spice
to all of your, excuse the phrase, fairly boring lives. I’m not sure when the
film will be released. It’s an ongoing project after all. But you’ll be glad to
know I recently read a pamphlet at the Laundromat predicting our last days will
come soon. So, don’t miss finding out what your neighbors have really been up to
in that creepy backyard shed. Buy your ticket early, and avoid the long lines.