The Tao of Steve

The Tao of Steve

Directed by Jennifer Goodman

Starring Donal Logue and Greer Goodman

Men are scum. My ex-girlfriend said so when I faxed her a break-up letter. So what if I sent it to her work? She doesn’t have a fax at home. Thus, I sympathize with Dax (Donal Logue ), because all his girlfriends eventually come to the same conclusion. A past master of Zen and Zoroastrianism and the art of getting laid, he’s put that philosophy major to good use. With Homer Simpson’s beer gut and a job babysitting at Pokey Oaks Elementary, slacker is probably a bit kind as a career description. It does give him time to pork his best friend’s wife, pick up young philosophy majors, and hit on the random opera set designers like Syd (Greer Goodman). Now, how can philosophy get you lucky? First, you must suppress desire — you can’t WANT to get laid, or you never will. Then one must display excellence in her presence — fix a motorcycle, camp, cure cancer, whatever. Finally, run away from her. Jung or Lao Tse said “we pursue that which recedes from us.” I always confuse those two, but it’s Mission Accomplished and time to sink her with your pork torpedo. And please, don’t forget your protection. OK, so Lucky Pierre goes around passing out semi unwelcome advice to his friends until Syd catches his eye. She also catches a copy of his dating instructions and realizes that all women are the same to Dax. Unique, certainly, each in there own way, but still the same. Break up time, and she’s of to NYC to do Don Giovanni at the Met. Dry season for Dax time, or road trip time? Let’s just say he’s awful horny for a fat guy.

With a distinctly male perspective, Tao shows just how unhappy a guy can be, despite dipping the wick more often than he changes his undies. Still, deep down, this is the ultimate female fantasy film. Guys want Asian Siamese twins in leather, but what do women fantasize about? Why, changing that loser so he drops the twins and starts mowing lawns. Will either of these happen to you? Of course not, silly — but if you want to score like Steve, take your date to this flick. It worked for me.

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