Hello, My Name Is Cindy
by Ed Sofield
Once again, after a long absence, I find myself sitting in front of our modern god, the computer, attempting to translate the random mumblings in my cranium into legible and understandable thought patterns that will make all three of my readers ‘oooh’ and ‘ahh.’
This is quite more fucking difficult than I remember it. Seeing as how the Author hasn’t done one single bit of intellect-enhancing work over the past six months of quiet time – and factoring in all of the perfectly good brain cells destroyed by White-Out (which is supposed to come in handy when you’re a ‘writer’ – though I can’t see why when all I do is white out portions of my computer monitor and get high) and weed – I’m having a tiny bit of trouble actually spitting this out. (Also – attempting to watch ‘Tommy’ and understand it and write is slowly but surely killing me.)
I gave myself a crash-course in my own writings just a bit ago – and the best course of action I can think of to get myself on some sort of track is to simply update you, Constant Reader, on some of the more intriguing stories.
RE: Yet Another Open Letter to….
Looking back on all of my anger towards the political fiasco of 2000, I kind of have to laugh. None of the good shit even occured until after election day, goddamnit! And, despite mumblings heard (maybe in my wildest dreams) leaning towards impeachment, on the very day this is being written, Dubbya (the Post’s affectionate title for George W. Bush) was sworn in as the Four-Hunderedth and Something-th President of the United States. Sucker. How long before someone tries to shoot him?
RE: Five-oh, no….
Well, now – Rudy Guiliani (mayor of NYC, hereafter refetred to as Hizzoner, since I’m pretty damned sure I misspelled the bastards’ name) is still alive and kicking. He also happens to be in his last year in office (thank CHRIST!), which apparently means that he has free reign to spend all the city’s money before he goes. He has proposed a new stadium, new housing, new schools, new hosptials… and new whorehouses to replace the ones he got rid of in his first couple years as Hizzoner. The Senate seat that he was meant to run for but decided not to when the shit hit the fan last summer/fall was actually won by none other that the First Lady, Miss-High-and-Mighty Hillary Clinton. Her win, coupled with her husband’s sudden open work schedule, has prompted some curmudgeons to announce the ‘Bill Clinton for Mayor of NYC 2002’ election campaign. MY ASS.
Ex-Police Commish Howard S-A-F-I-R (remember? He likes killing minorities and being a Nazi) has not been heard from since being hired on by a security company somewhere in the South. I hope he is in horrible pain.
RE: Every Day Is a Monday…
I blew up everyone who has ever pissed me off. By the way, did I tell you I’m writing this from the library in Rikers’s Island?
It seems to me that nothing ever changes – Elton John was more right than he ever knew with that ‘Circle of Life’ crap, because that is all life is. One big fucking circle, neverending, like the snake eating his own tail. Get rid of one ridiculous problem and three others come to take its place.
NEXT INSTALLMENT: Jesse Jackson trying to apologize while still rhyming his words……Dubbya takes a bullet in the ass – and it makes him a better President…..and FRENCH GIRLS!!!!!