The Ink19 Manifesto Release 2.0
Carl F Gauze
The world is full of wannabe bands. And the world is full of burnt out bands we remember from a teen-age alcoholic haze. Worst of all, the world is full of people hoping to get on a guest list for those kinds of bands. And all these people have opinions. Ink19 is here to bring salvation and publicity and a starvation salary to all these losers.
If you started a band, and hope it will survive to Christmas before you sink into a well deserved obscurity, Ink19 is here to help you. If you made a CD on your brother’s computer, and can’t get your college radio loser friends to play it on their midnight to 3 am show, Ink19 feels your pain. If ‘E’ is the only chord you can play, and even that’s still a bit shaky, Ink19 will send someone to hear you. If you throw dung on your audience after a $5 cover and two drink minimum, Ink19 will post at least one hundred words on the last page of it’s site to show your mother you’re a legitimate artist.
If you were big in March of 1977, Ink19 will really send some one to talk to you, and unlike the Rolling Stone it will publish the results. If your hair is bigger than your guitar and you opened for Cheap Trick once in Biloxi, Ink19 remembers you. If your revival tour revolves around strip clubs in central Florida, we believe you deserve a Black and White photo, and we might even stuff a few bucks in your undies.
If you have a burning desire to hang out back stage, even if you’ve never even heard of the band, Ink19 will put you there. If you think the band may give you cocaine, Ink19 wishes you success. If you ever wanted to have sex with a bass player, Ink19 shares your fantasy. If your friends are easily impressed and you care, Ink19 will build your ego.
If you think your prose don’t stink, Ink19 agrees. If you have a strongly felt opinion, Ink19 has a web site. If you can’t figure out all the complicated stuff involved in posting your high school picture on a Yahoo home page, Ink19 has a staff to help you. Ink19 believes in fulfilling you fantasies, so long as you can type a coherent sentence and have an e-mail account. Just don’t expect a check.
Wankers of the world, unite. You have nothing to lose but your pimples. Virginity, you get to keep.&endBlock