Don’t Be Such An Opinionated Fuck

by Chuck Bantam

Judgment, appraisal, conclusion, belief… all are words that pretty much mean opinion. I have an opinion. Does it mean shit? No. So don’t be such an opinionated fuck.

A man and a woman should get married if they are living together. It’s better to put jelly first on a peanut butter and jelly sandwich because it wipes off the knife easier. Gore should be president. Men should not have sex with each other, women can though. The Teletubbies are evil. Keannu Reeves is a fine actor. You haven’t lived until you’ve tried Ecstasy. I hear all of these things. Some of them I agree with. Does that make it true? Yeah! That’s right, fuck you! What I say goes. My opinion matters. Not really, but yes really.

People… realize that when we argue, over half the time it’s because of differences in opinion. Have you ever been in a situation where you are working with a couple of people and they want to get things done in a different way than you would choose to? It can get frustrating. You’re thinking, “God, what a bunch of idiots!” And they’re probably thinking the same about you. It’s what I refer to as the “Drive-Through Scenario.” You pull up to a fast-food restaurant, try and order and the fucking morons never get it right. Well, if you’ve ever worked at a drive-through, you would come to believe that everyone who pulled up to your window was a fucking moron that didn’t know how to order. It’s all about opinions.

Here is something you can try that I find pretty funny. If you happen to overhear a group of people talking about something they like, disagree with them. Even if you really don’t. People tend to get upset if someone disagrees with what they believe in, especially if there is someone else present who actually does agree with them. Something else to try would be the opposite. Say if four people are in agreement about something that you honestly don’t think is true. Try keeping it to yourself. Because when four people believe themselves to be right and you come out and tell that they are wrong it tends to make you look like an opinionated fuck. And that’s what I’m really hoping you’ll stop being.