The Tao of Pooh Too

The Tao of Pooh Too

(Eeyore’s revenge)

One day Pooh Bear and Piglet were walking through the forest on their way to see Owl.

“Why are we going to see owl?” Piglet asked.

“Well,” said Pooh, “I want to know if Owl has seen any bees around. I am almost completely out of honey, and as you know where there are bees, there is honey.”

“Do bees get angry when you take their honey?”

“Hmmm…” Pooh Bear pondered, “Yes, they get quite angry when I take their honey. However, bees are always angry with something, so they must like being that way.”

“Oh.”

They had almost made it to Owl’s, when Pooh noticed something hanging from a tree branch in the middle of the path.

“Look Piglet! That’s Eeyore swinging from a tree branch!”

“Oh my, it is. Do you think he’s alright?”

“Oh surely he is. It looks quite fun to be swinging from a tree branch on such a bright and sunny day. Although, his tail does seem to be attached to the wrong end this morning. Eeyore, how are you doing up there, swinging from a tree branch?'”

Eeyore did not reply. Instead, he simply swayed from his tree branch in the breeze. As Pooh and Piglet got closer, they saw that Eeyore’s tail was actually tied ’round his neck, and that that was how he was hanging from the branch of a tree, this fine summer morning.

“Oh my, Pooh! Eeyore is…is…”

“Asleep?”

“No…no, I think he’s…”

“Very tired?”

“Pooh! He’s d…d…dead! Eeyore is dead.”

“Well, he could just be very tired. You know, I once saw Eeyore…”

“Pooh! He’s dead! He can’t hear us…look. Who…or what do you think could have done this!? Oh Pooh, I’m so frightened.”

And Piglet hid behind Pooh as Piglet tended to do when he was very frightened of something.

“Oh look, Piglet there’s a note attached to Eeyore. Maybe this will explain things as that’s what notes do.”

Piglet waited impatiently, “Well Pooh, what does it say?”

“Hmmm…” Pooh thought, “I don’t know much about notes, but I am quite confident this note has nothing to do with Christopher Robin, or with honey.”

About this time Owl and Rabbit approached from down the path.

“What is all the ruckus about up here?” asked Owl in an agitated huff.

And as they got closer, they saw Eeyore.

“Oh my,” whispered Rabbit, while Owl looked on in amazement.

Piglet broke the silence first, “Eeyore’s…dead.”

“Well, I thought perhaps he might be sleeping, or at least very, very tired, but it seems…” Pooh started to clarify when Rabbit cut him short.

“Shut up Pooh! Eeyore’s dead…he’s hanging dead from a tree branch right in front of you and don’t you even care!?”

Rabbit fell to his knees with his hands covering his face and began to sob hysterically.

Pooh began quietly, “Well, we did find this note on Eeyore, which seems to have nothing to do with Christopher Robin or honey, and speaking of which, I was meaning to ask you, Owl, about bees….”

“Shut Up! You stupid, fucking idiotic bear!” cried Rabbit and snatched the note out of Pooh’s hands to give directly to Owl.

“Yes, please Owl, read the note,” Piglet rushed out, “We have to know what creature did this to poor Eeyore before it gets to us!”

“Piglet, you imbecile, Eeyore obviously did this to himself. You are as safe as you ever have been you horrid little coward.”

And then Owl began to eye Piglet with intensified contempt and spoke in a deep monotone, “Piglet, are you aware of what other Owls in other forests do when they come upon other Pig-lets…” and Owl continued to stare and licked his beak.

“Not now, Owl!” Rabbit exclaimed “What’s in the note?”

Owl gave one last glance at a cowering Piglet and cleared his throat and read the following note:

To Whom It May Concern:

Just wanted everyone to know that I did this because I was very, very tired. Tired of losing my tail. Tired of trying to find my tail. Tired of worrying whether or not my tail is lost and tired of wondering whether or not my tail will get lost in the future. I am tired of the way I feel and tired trying not to feel this way. I am tired and now I can rest.

Just wanted you to know,

Eeyore

“I wonder if Eeyore ever tried eating honey?” said Pooh.

Rabbit jumped up with furious rage, screaming, “I’ll kill you, I swear I’ll fucking kill you stupid…” and Owl tried to hold him back while Piglet hid behind a bush and Pooh raised his forearm to protect his face which had a very confused look on it.

Just then, Christopher Robin came staggering up the trail, gasping for breath, and everyone stopped to look at him.

“Christopher Robin!” Piglet squeaked “Are you alright?”

Christopher Robin leaned drunkenly against a tree and started to speak, “I…was…was bitten by a snake. I…think…was poisonous. Thought…it looked like…Eeyore’s tail…tried to…pick it up…”

Christopher Robin Collapsed on the ground, barely moving, the life dissipating from him with each breath.

Piglet cried, “Oh, no Christopher Robin, you can’t die…we…we…need you…”

Rabbit and Owl stared at the boy and then looked at each other and Rabbit said, “But, what will become…of us?”

Pooh watched Christopher Robin dying and thought to himself, “Well, I guess this is the way of things.” And then the Universe began to come apart at the seams, collapsing all around him. Pooh’s consciousness began evaporating with Christopher Robin’s last breath, and with that last bit of conscious energy, Pooh thought to himself, “Oh bother.” And his body collapsed on the ground like a lifeless, cotton stuffed, child’s toy.

The note of Eeyore’s writing, that had been in Owl’s claw, had just floated to the ground face down, and even though no one still existed to read it, the back of the note bore the following inscription:

To me
It seems
That things
Really are
As bad
As they seem
To me

Friend. But I am always a Stranger.

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