Don’t Be So Damn Whiny All Of The Time
by Chuck Bantam
Recently my sister had a baby; a sparkling new addition to the family. He cries a lot, about as much as most babies do I supose, but this often leaves me wondering what I could do to shut him up. Is he always just hungry? Did he mess himself? Is he in pain? What does this sad distorted face need to calm it down? A different thought comes to me now. I suddenly think of you. I wonder why, since you are an adult, this baby cries half as much as you do.
It really is a sad sight when grown-ups need “special attention.” Let’s just forget about what everyone else wants to do and we’ll do what pouty puss over here wants simply because we don’t feel like fucking arguing. I can’t stand that shit. You complain about everything. I’ll bet that if an infant could tell us what it was crying about, its reasons would be the same as yours. “I want! I want! I want!” That’s all it is. You want your fucking mother because she always gives in to you. Babies don’t know any better. They don’t realize that they should be considerate of others. You do and you don’t care because you’re a tantrum throwing brat. People give in to you too many times and now you think that you can have it your way, but guess what? Your mother’s not here right now. I have to deal with you and I don’t have any obligation to do things your way at all.
I have the unfortunate pleasure of working with you from time to time. I should rephrase that. I have the pleasure of working next to you while you sit there and whine about everything that we’ve been asked to do. I hear your voice and I want to spit. What is it exactly that you think you are being paid for? Hey! Here’s a thought. I think you are being paid to work. Most of the time we get lucky and we don’t even have to do that. We sat around for two hours the other day, and the minute someone asked you to do something you looked at them like a leper just asked you to give him oral. Maybe the job is to blame. Our supervisors are too lax. They let you sit on your ass for too long and now it’s so big it annoys you to have to carry it around. If the job was to blame though, then how come you seem to be the only one with the attitude of a two-year old? I’ve seen you try and play those childish games when things don’t go your way. If you’re not happy no one can be happy right? This is a workplace bitter betsy, fuck off!
Don’t be so damn whiny all of the time. Try and give in once in a while. You might find that people will like you better and maybe we won’t have to kill you. You might see people doing you favors and telling you to just go ahead and sit this one out, you’ve been working a lot lately. O.k. so that’s a pipe dream and I’m aware of that, but so is me telling you all of this in hopes that you will change and I’m doing it anyway. Hey look! My nephew stopped crying all on his own.