Don’t Be So Concerned About The Elephant

by Chuck Bantam

Here I stand before a hopeless bunch of savages who, out of character, feel sorry for an elephant and I wonder why I don’t. How is it that I can come to work at a job that is themed around make-believe, be surrounded by actors, and somehow be confronted by a moral debate on the importance of mankind vs. the importance of animals? Like any of these themepark jackoffs have a clue.

It all started with that horrid “Banned From Television” video that floated Here I stand before a hopeless bunch of savages who, out of character, feel sorry for an elephant and I wonder why I don’t. How is it that I can come to work at a job that is themed around make-believe, be surrounded by actors, and somehow be confronted by a moral debate on the importance of mankind vs. the importance of animals? Like any of these themepark jackoffs have a clue.

It all started with that horrid “Banned From Television” video that floated around from person to person a few years ago. I came into work to find the technicians and actors at my venue gathered around a television drooling at the sight of reality t.v. so shocking that you must be 17 years-old to watch it. In case you haven’t seen it, it can be described as a jolly collection of images containing life-changing incidents sprinkled with happiness and beauty all around. Basically it’s people dying. I came into work that day to witness men being shot at point blank range in the face, people being burned alive, and a woman so unfortunate her fate will remind me to pay closer attention to railroad tracks for the rest of my life. People wanting to see this tape make sense to me. Curiousity is as important to humans as breathing. Though why someone would want to bring this into a work environment I’ll never understand.

These monsters that I work with were particularly interested in the section of the video where the woman was removed from this planet by a speeding train. She didn’t see this train coming because it was blocked by another train on a seperate set of tracks that was parked at the station. The reason she didn’t stop walking when she heard the bells sounding and the train’s horn blowing died with her. She simply walked right in front of the damn thing. You could see her realize the mistake she had made and try to react to it a half-second before contact. She was dead as soon as the other half of that second rolled around. There is no doubt in my mind, it was that fast. These assholes in front of the t.v. were thrilled by this. They must have rewound that part and watched it over one-hundred times by the end of the day. They watched it in slow motion. They played it frame by frame. Each time was more funny than the last. People gasped in terror but with smiles on their faces. It was horrible to watch but just too horrible to look away. They were glowing with excitement… and then there was the elephant.

The elephant on this tape had killed two people in front of an audience during a circus show. Then it broke free of the tent and ran wildly through the parking lot and out into the streets. Several police officers were forced to open fire after it knocked around a couple of cars and threw some people out of its way. It took a lot of bullets but the big fat ass eventually died. That’s right. It died and before you say anything…. fuck you! Don’t be so concerned about the elephant, it had to die. Don’t be like the freaks at my job. They didn’t see things the way I did. Some of those backwards ass jerks were crying. They were crying! Yeah, it was a mistreated elephant. Yes, the two men it killed had it coming. Animal rights, Ra Ra Ra, Go Stampy! and all that shit but the freakin’ thing was on the loose. It was on the streets and pissed off. The police had a job to do and if I was in that situation I would have done the same thing. You can’t just let a blood-crazy elephant run around public areas. I doubt the police had time to even think about tranquilizers. Why do that anyway? So it could be returned to its abusive home? It was a mean animal and it had to be put down.

I’ll never understand the way these people think. It is o.k. to watch an innocent woman walk blindly in front of a train but the murdering elephant should go free. What is going on here? I do understand that the human race is not excactly a considerate bunch. I’ve said it before, take us off of the planet, let the animals run things and you’ve got peace on earth. This is the dilemma, I suppose. Is it o.k. to kill animals or should we let them kill us? Well not fucking me. We were given brains that make us smarter than them, not better but smarter. If they can’t use their brains the way we do, then too fucking bad. Not my problem. It’s called survival of the fittest. Unless Stampy has got himself a library card I’m not concerned about the mess he made on the sidewalk. This isn’t Planet of the Apes. We are the superior beings here.around from person to person a few years ago. I came into work to find the technicians and actors at my venue gathered around a television drooling at the sight of reality t.v. so shocking that you must be 17 years-old to watch it. In case you haven’t seen it, it can be described as a jolly collection of images containing life-changing incidents sprinkled with happiness and beauty all around. Basically it’s people dying. I came into work that day to witness men being shot at point blank range in the face, people being burned alive, and a woman so unfortunate her fate will remind me to pay closer attention to railroad tracks for the rest of my life. People wanting to see this tape make sense to me. Curiousity is as important to humans as breathing. Though why someone would want to bring this into a work environment I’ll never understand.

These monsters that I work with were particularly interested in the section of the video where the woman was removed from this planet by a speeding train. She didn’t see this train coming because it was blocked by another train on a seperate set of tracks that was parked at the station. The reason she didn’t stop walking when she heard the bells sounding and the train’s horn blowing died with her. She simply walked right in front of the damn thing. You could see her realize the mistake she had made and try to react to it a half-second before contact. She was dead as soon as the other half of that second rolled around. There is no doubt in my mind, it was that fast. These assholes in front of the t.v. were thrilled by this. They must have rewound that part and watched it over one-hundred times by the end of the day. They watched it in slow motion. They played it frame by frame. Each time was more funny than the last. People gasped in terror but with smiles on their faces. It was horrible to watch but just too horrible to look away. They were glowing with excitement… and then there was the elephant.

The elephant on this tape had killed two people in front of an audience during a circus show. Then it broke free of the tent and ran wildly through the parking lot and out into the streets. Several police officers were forced to open fire after it knocked around a couple of cars and threw some people out of its way. It took a lot of bullets but the big fat ass eventually died. That’s right. It died and before you say anything…. fuck you! Don’t be so concerned about the elephant, it had to die. Don’t be like the freaks at my job. They didn’t see things the way I did. Some of those backwards ass jerks were crying. They were crying! Yeah, it was a mistreated elephant. Yes, the two men it killed had it coming. Animal rights, Ra Ra Ra, Go Stampy! and all that shit but the freakin’ thing was on the loose. It was on the streets and pissed off. The police had a job to do and if I was in that situation I would have done the same thing. You can’t just let a blood-crazy elephant run around public areas. I doubt the police had time to even think about tranquilizers. Why do that anyway? So it could be returned to its abusive home? It was a mean animal and it had to be put down.

I’ll never understand the way these people think. It is o.k. to watch an innocent woman walk blindly in front of a train but the murdering elephant should go free. What is going on here? I do understand that the human race is not excactly a considerate bunch. I’ve said it before, take us off of the planet, let the animals run things and you’ve got peace on earth. This is the dilemma, I suppose. Is it o.k. to kill animals or should we let them kill us? Well not fucking me. We were given brains that make us smarter than them, not better but smarter. If they can’t use their brains the way we do, then too fucking bad. Not my problem. It’s called survival of the fittest. Unless Stampy has got himself a library card I’m not concerned about the mess he made on the sidewalk. This isn’t Planet of the Apes. We are the superior beings here.