Epic Gluesing It

by Unbalanced Breakfast

re: http://www.nytimes.com/2002/09/16/business/media/16EPIC.html

[[Tori]]HisCheapMoves: I hear being owned by a company that manufactures portable CD players can go to your head.

kittydeathstar

What’s that, you say?

HisCheapMoves

It’s a New York Times story, so the URL will be nigh-useless to those who won’t “register.” I’ll paste the relevant part here.

Writers receiving review copies of two soon-to-be-released albums — Tori Amos’s “Scarlet’s Walk” and Pearl Jam’s “Riot Act” — are finding the CD’s already inside Sony Walkman players that have been glued shut. Headphones are also glued into the players, to prevent connecting the Walkman to a recording device.

kittydeathstar

Of all the rinky-dink, Rube Goldbergian bullshit…..

HisCheapMoves

You know, this is the second time The Biz has tried this plan.

[[Trapster]]kittydeathstar: Wasn’t the first time when they played the cd on a boom box locked in a razorwire cage?

HisCheapMoves

With critics strapped to “Response Modification Seating Mechanism,” – 220 volts, I heard.

kittydeathstar

Or when a flock of carrier pigeons would land on your window and tweet the record for you, ONLY ONCE! I wonder if the label sends helpful review tips or outlines for us hacks to follow a la “Resume Tips”? Best not to go there, I suppose.

HisCheapMoves

Maybe they could just send some of those refrigerator magnet words, sure make it convenient for us piratical reviewers. “Pearl Jam” and “rocks” and “like you’ve never heard them before” and “moody” and “soulful.”

kittydeathstar

Great choice of records too… they better not make it too hard to listen to shite Pearl Jam or Tory Famous Amos… or everyone will just go back to their infinitely more entertaining Loverboy bootlegs. Let’s see here… a ghetto glued-shut cd player or a pristine copy of the new Cattle Decapitation record… decisions, decisions…….

HisCheapMoves

I’m holding out for the “Best of Barry White” 8-track superglued to the dash of a ‘77 Impala.

kittydeathstar

Seriously… Tori Amos??? Who cares?

HisCheapMoves

I want one! I hear if you manage to remove the useless round thing inside, it will play listenable CDs.

kittydeathstar

I’ll spoil the surprise right now… and I haven’t even heard it… pianos, overdramatic vocals, and cringe-worthy lyrics….. and free headphones to boot! Bunch of prats.

HisCheapMoves

Well, it didn’t work with Radiohead and I doubt it will work now. At best they’ll get some “publicity” and make some lucky critic a bundle on eBay.

kittydeathstar

The critic deserves it for the effort of cutting the damn thing open. The band deserves a boot in the ass for being a wee bit precious about their importance in the grand scheme of art and commerce.

HisCheapMoves

It’s not like either is at the peak of their careers….

kittydeathstar

Not even a blip on the radar.

HisCheapMoves

Ah, well. That’s probably about as much publicity as we should give them. Wait. What happens when the batteries run down?

kittydeathstar

Holy shit! Free batteries 4 LIFE! I take back what I said – Torrie! I love you! Eddie! I ache for you!

HisCheapMoves

Send me a CD player, and batteries!