Number 30: November, 2002

by Carl F. Gauze

Someone recently remarked electronically that they were surprised

Ink19 paid me to write this drivel. That was followed by some personal

invective, all under a forged header. Well, this was a huge surprise to

me. I had no idea money was supposed to be involved. Please rest

assured, dear anonymous friend, that I will continue to produce and post

the finest drivel money can’t buy. Why LOOK, here comes some

now!<p>

That’s Exploitation!

Book and Music by Dennis T Giacino

Starring Fiely Matias

Sak Comedy Lab, Orlando, Fla</b><p>

Speaking from long experience, Bad Films are much more fun to ridicule than Good Ones. It’s like laughing at Tiny Tim, but without any real sense of guilt. Plus, they’re a huge field of source material for silly cabaret studies like this one. Center stage belongs to the slight but energetic Fiely Matias, a young man with both a great voice and a great sense of timing. We get a dozen songs, some brilliant, some a bit tarnished; all tied to the Disaster/ Blaxploitation/ Women in Prison genres we all grew up with. It’s all singing, all talking, and all dancing, with piano support from songmeister Dennis Giacino and the occasional sound effect from the well stock Sak sound booth. Outstanding numbers include the Native American drag sequence “Squaw Girl” where Fiely muses about the role of large silicone breasts and Fredrick’s The Deer Slayer Lingerie in setting a course for the new world settlers. Following close on is the heart-warming duet “Make it Last (Jason Voorhees)” with a ringing voice from petite Melanie Whipple. All around stunning song work filled the evening, with excellent marks going to rubbery Arbender Robinson (I’ll Just Cry), pert Merrie Nell Spence (Forever) and the morose looking Marshall Webb (Insipid Melody). Of course, you need a big number to have people hum on the way to the parking lot, and we got that with the rousing “I’m a Teenage Mutant Boy Scout from The Nuclear Fallout Zone”. The climatic moment came from Fiely, who blandly announced ‘Excuse me while I remove my penis’. It was the biggest event of the evening, and my inseams nearly burst with joy.

The concept is brilliant, well executed, funny, but not as salacious as earlier Oops events. In a room full of friends, a number of technical mistakes seemed mostly overlooked, or ridiculed by the cast, but never damaged the flow of fun. While not an all ages show, the jokes and slight (very slight) nudity aren’t offensive by most local standards, and bringing a liberal minded mom to the show is a distinct possibility. There’s even a stunning and unexpected 3-d sequence, a scene brought to life by the distribution of cheap paper red/blue shades that most folks used prematurely. Best of all, there are no ghosts, no turkeys, and no crotchety old men turning nicey- nice. Honestly, it’s a gift.

For more information on Oops Guys, visit http://www.kookyart.com/oopsguys/ <p>

A Christmas Carol

Adapted by Davis McElroy

Directed by Marylin McGinnis

Southern Winds Theater at Chapters Book Store

Orlando, Fla.</b><p>

There are a lot of folks inhabiting this Dickens classic short story, and it’s no small feat for one man to cover them all, male and female, old and young, alive or dead. It’s even more of a challenge with dinner being served and adjacent rooms holding their own moments of holiday cheer, but that’s no problem for the multi-voiced, multi-talented David McElroy. As he bounces around the atmospheric and literary confines of Chapters Book Store (a place where reading at the dinner table is encouraged), harassing the patrons and checking under tables for spirits, he does succeed in fitting everyone in with no confusion. Long conversation between multiple charters never loses their place, and even the silent staring of the dread Ghost of Christmas Future don’t get lost in his capable hands. The set is minimal, a coat rack, a stool, and a frock coat, but there’s enough visual clutter in the space to make up for any lack of background veracity. Scrooge is foul enough, Tiny Tim depressing enough and Mrs. Cratchit cranky enough to satisfy any modern day none believer. It’s enough to make an old man dance with giddy joy.

Perhaps it’s unintended, but as I watch this sparse but intriguing production, a second interpretation of the Ebenezer Scrooge saga begins to suggest itself. Rather than a story about reform and recovery, perhaps what we are seeing is descent into madness. Not a potential suicide like that Danish kid, but never the less a loss of sanity and compass under the relentless stress of enforced holiday joy. As we open, Scrooge is a well-defined and stable character – not pleasant, certainly, but the people around him understand his moods and are able to predict them, even if they don’t agree. Then, late at night he loses his anchor in time with a series of increasingly surreal hallucinations. Did three days pass, or was it a mere hour? Bad digestion or bad circulation in the hippocampus? Did the dead violate all Christian precepts and come back to warn the living about their sins? There’s no denying the psychotic break, as Scrooge’s old personality disintegrates to giddy, child-like persona completely in tune with the desires of others, now ready to please everyone at every turn. Perhaps this is just my personal hallucination, but look to the text itself. Scrooge’s father under went a very similar transformation the day he sent sister Fan to rescue a young Ebenezer from his miserable boarding school. After all, mental illness has a strong genetic component, and even literary characters are subject to the reality of their own creators. It’s just a passing thought in my mind, perhaps just some spinach-artichoke dip gone astray, but it can give you something to discuss over desert as you relax in the familiar setting of this traditional holiday classic.

A Christmas Carol

By Charles Dickens

Adapted by Christopher Rohner

Directed by Frank Hilgenberg

Starring Paul Wegman, Mark March, Joshua Siniscalco

Theatre Downtown, Orlando, Fla</b><p>

Stop me if you’ve heard this one: Cranky, money grubbing Scrooge (Wegman) allows submissive Bob “Never say a bad word” Cratchit a day off for the Holidays, and gets a midnight visit by his ex-partner Jacob Marley (Jim Cassidy) along with a lecture about not being such a alte khazer. Following come the ethereal Spirit of Christmas Past (Emily Nanette), the exuberant S of C Present (Cassidy), and the ominous S of C Future (C. Scott Lindauer), all hammering the message home – “Scrooge! Shape up! Such a nudge you are already!” And, bless us all, he does. He even gives Cratchit a raise AND a new coalscuttle.

Heartwarming, to be sure, but there’s a lot more going on here. First, this is one of the most complex and well-staged productions in TDT’s space, with over 2 dozen actors filling nearly 5 dozen roles. Next, for a heart warming play about being nice, there are surprisingly many scares as apparitions come and go. Marley in particular made me jump – you know it’s time for him, you sort of know where he’s going to appear from, and you STILL react. There’s plenty of dancing, singing, and general ho-ho-ing, all in support of the main Scrooge – Marley axis of the show. Wegman cleverly handles the transition from skinflint to benefactor, never making a move or sound that’s not perfectly in the character at the moment. One never thinks, “Oh, there it is – he just got nice.” It’s more like boot camp – the spirits beat him down to his component parts, and then reassemble him into the man he should have been. As his foil, Marchman’s Cratchit holds the course of an abused but loyal servant, always viewing life with a Disneyesque “Look on the Bright Side” attitude. As Scrooge changes course, he cleverly crosses Cratchit’s bow and ends up even more positive than Cratchit. Scrooges other counterweight, nephew Fred (Siniscalco), is a tall and elegant looking Victorian gentleman of more class than cash, a man who seems genuine in tune with Scrooges inner state until that surprising moment he shows up for dinner, and unlike so many in-laws, is actully pleasant to dine with. And Tiny Tim? He’s a bit well fed, but forced to carry a cane the size of a Yule log around stage, he still generates a bit of holiday sympathy from a perspective you may not have had before. We’re all blessed by his handicap, aren’t we?

For more information, please vist http://www.theatredowntown.net/ <p>

The Winter’s Tale

By William Shakespeare

Directed by Richard Width

Starting Eric Hissom, Susanne O’Donnell, Paul Bernardo

Orlando UCF Shakespeare Festival, Orlando, Fla.</b><p>

You just don’t see this play produced very often. Even experienced Shakespearian actors are often unfamiliar with it, but after experiencing the brilliant and piercing production we saw this evening, you’ll agree “Winter’s Tale” should cross the stage more often. Perhaps it’s under appreciated because it’s a bit schizophrenic – the first half appears a dark tragedy, only to dissolve after a glass of wine and a surreptitious cigarette into a delightful comedy – love is in the air and even a few bodies pop back to life. Polixenes (Bernardo), King of Bohemia, drops in on his childhood friend Leontes (Hissom), King of Sicilia, only to have Leontes’ wife Hermione (O’Donnell) become a little too friendly with Polixenes. Leontes gets the idea that an illicit affair has led to her recent pregnancy, even though they really weren’t THAT friendly. Of course there’s no real defense against the accusation of a king, as DNA testing is still a few years off and he IS king. As Leontes sinks into regicidal madness, he tries to poison Polixenes, who gets a tip from Leontes advisor Camillo (Michael Walls) and both beat feet back to Bohemia. Soon Hermione dies of shame, her older son (Nathan West) struck down by Apollo when Leontes ignores an oracle, and the newborn daughter Perdita is taken to distant Bohemia to be exposed. Exit stage left, pursued by a bear. Sixteen years later, we find Perdita (Amanda Schlachter) all grown up and in love with Polixenes’ son Florizel (Kareem Bandealy) By this time Leontes has had some counseling and Camillo wants to go home so he can die in peace. He convinces the young lovers to flee to Sicilia (they were planning a honeymoon anyway) and everything turns out happy. There’s even a magical statute of Hermione, brought to life by the Wiccan spells of Paulina (Anne Hering), giving Leontes back a part of messed up life. Of course, little Mamillius is still dead, but then the Bard never paid any attention to the rules of Hollywood, such as “never kill the kid” or “never kill the dog.”<p>

There’s a lot going for this production. Hissom spans the full range of emotions from doting father to regicidal maniac to repenatant loser, passing through a larcenous balladeer leading a Shakespearian rap song. O’Donnell’s Hermione gets less room to maneuver, but provides a more than convincing defense of her innocence even though she was flirting Polixenes mercilessly in the opening acts. Other strong performances came from the very physical Jason Flores and the officious and opportunistic Camillo.

Set in a minimalist set with Celtic knots and pre-Raphaelite trees, most of the mood changes are set by the technically perfect lighting. The intimate space along with the hallmark Extensive Use Of Aisles During Perfomance brings the action nearly into the laps of the audience. You may not see this play again for years, and it’s story of revival and second chances is a real departure from Shakespeare’s twin fascination with body count and mistaken identity. Squeeze it in to your holiday schedule before spring reappears to melt the snows of icy Bohemia.<p>

For more information on UCF-Shakespeare, visit > http://www.shakespearefest.org/ <p>

Alexander and The Terrible Horrible, No Good, Very Bad Day

By Judith Viorst and Shelly Markham

Directed by April Dawn Gladu

Starring Davis Cross, Shelly Sours, Tim Williams

Orlando UCF Shakespeare Festival, Orlando, Fla</b><p>

Adults forget how important everything seems when your growing up. Whether it’s lost chewing gum, a bad shoe day, or demotion to 3rd best friend, seemingly minor things can overwhelm a kid like Alexander (Cross). He’s having a regular entropy storm today, with all the above and more raining down on him as he struggles thought a typical 3rd grade life style. As Alex and buddies bounce of the walls like they’re dosed up on Lucky Charms and warm Pepsi, parents and teachers (Sours, Williams) try to keep a reasonable lid on the action and emotional cross currents that can ravage you when you have no real control over your station. Would fleeing to Australia help? Maybe, the kangaroo and koala seem friendly, and you do get to wear a cool hat. While that’s the extent of dramatic tension, there are plenty of silly but real situations played out on the brightly colored stage filled with hidden prop furniture. A half dozen songs roll through the production, starting with the wistful “If I Was In Charge” which leads into the sarcastic “I Love My Baby Sister” and climaxes with my favorite, “Hot Hot Shoes”, sung by the electrically wired shoe salesman (Williams).

While squarely aimed at the kids in the audience, Alexander equally amuses the taller folks; even those of us who prefer to see children on TV. There’s a regular request to get the audience to enthusiastically chant the tag of the title, and we all join Alexander in his desire to move to Australia, where things are surely more amenable to a frustrated child, on stage and off. A mild message sneaks in, the being that Tomorrow Will Surely Be Better Than Today. And looking back with my years of experience, I can assure you that improvement IS possible. And even tomorrow still sucks, here’s a good way to get the kids out of the Gamecube fantasy world and into the equally fantastic world of live theater. It’s a clever show that allows kids to be kids, and still not annoy the really old guys like myself.<p>

For more information on UCF-Shakespeare, visit > http://www.shakespearefest.org/ <p>

An Empty Plate In The Café du Grand Boeuf

By Michael Hollinger

Directed by Ray Hatch

Starring Doug Truelsen, Phillip Nolen, Darby Ballard

Orlando Theater Project at Seminole Community College</b><p>

Hey, here’s a wild idea – how about a slapstick comedy regarding existentialism? Get rid of the long droning Camus diatribes, suppress the soul searching that only leads to narcolepsy and suicide, and emphasize the absurdity of everything, heading for the cheap yuck and the pratfall. You can make all your points while people laugh and actors run around in circles, and the whole meaninglessness of life becomes enjoyable! Well-heeled Victor (Truelsen) owns a fine eating establishment in Paris, obliquely naming it for himself, Café Big Ox. He and his guest are the only diners, which makes the staff a bit under worked and overwrought. Headwaiter Claude (Nolen) has time to shine his Hercule Poirot mustache to a razor sharp point, and fusses over the staff as news of an imminent dining experience arrives. A former staffers has passed on (Oh, now that’s existential!) and a new recruit Antoine (Stephen Pugh) has been rescued from that Algerian joint down the road. What he lacks in wait skills he also lacks in musical skills, as he sort of plays Lady of Spain on a slide whistle. No matter, when Victor seats himself, something serious seems to be hanging over his head – there is no sign of his friend Mademoiselle (Marlo Hoffman), and he refuses to eat anything. After experiencing a bullfight in Spain, he’s so overcome with the Hemmimgwayesque sense of weltshmertz and ennui that suicide seems better than a nice stuffed pheasant. No messy guns for this gourmet of dis-existence, he just wants to fade away by starvations. A deal is struck – the crew will make a fabulous 7 course meal, and while his plate will be empty, they will describe the ingredients and prep and hope they can revive his peckishness. Chef Gaston (Glenn Gover) cooks and Mimi, (Ballard) the waitress with the industrial strength hair, do their best to seduce his taste, but all in vain. From soup to entrée to salad to sorbet to main course to cheese to dessert, depression reigns over Victor’s menu. Mademoiselle eventually drops by, only to announce one of those incurable diseases usually restricted to opera. It’s enough to put on off ones feed, but eventually, a spoon of crème bruleè sneaks into Victor, and that, dear friends, does him in.<p>

Did that all sound funny? Well, it was. Hysterically. With some of the finest comedic actors in town and a sprightly script, the laughs were nearly non-stop. With only one customer to worry about, the crew on stage seems like and old family, fighting and laughing over shared memories and past events. Nolen has perfected that little ‘pop’ sound all movie French waiters supposedly use to summon their troops, and he spins and bends like a paper doll in a windstorm as he directs the staff. Backing him are Ballard and Gover as the working-together-too-long-and-DON’T-bring-it-up couple, who reveal more about their relations than the typical patron might need to know. Overarching all this foolishness is a long musing thread of “Why Bother?” and how Hemmingway dealt with the whole problem of life, bullfights, and women. Even this respected and revered man couldn’t stand the pain of existence, and took the easy way out. You should avoid this plan, stick around for the cheese course, but don’t get the Crème Bruleè. It’s a bit runny, and might not sit well.<p>

For more information on Orlando Theater Project, please vist <a “href=http://www.otp.cc “ > www.otp.cc </a><p>

The Most Fabulous Story Ever Told

By Paul Rudnick

Directed by Ray Hatch

Starring Tommy Wooten, T. Robert Pigott, Beth Marshall, Becky Fischer

Potluck Productions at the Footlights Theater</b><p>

On the 7th day, God created the nipple ring, and it was good. Steve (Pigott) got the ring and Adam (Wooten) didn’t, so Adam decided that God exists. Things were pretty cool in the Garden of Eden until Adam started asking questions, and you know what happens when the cute dumb guy gets inquisitive – everyone is booted out, including the Lesbians Jane (Marshall) and Mabel (Fischer). Now years of sweat and hard work must pass before Pier One opens and they can accessorize decently again. Well, there’s a lot of light cues and Bible history to plow thought here, and eventually the boys and their reluctant friends run into the entire straight world. For some obscure reason, a desire to have children takes over their lives, and décor be damned. That gets us to intermission here at the only gay bar in the world where Daiquiris are unavailable, and when we come back the stagehands have mercifully turned the thermostat up from Fairbanks to Fargo. Now the curtain rises to a modern era onstage, and a much funnier set of jokes come out of the closet. Adam and Steve are hosting a little Xmas party, and the girls have hijacked some sperm so they can produce their own bouncing ball of diaper rash. Cranky Santa Trey (Doug, of Doug & Wanzie fame) shows up, passing out gift-wrapped attitude, along with token Mormon Peggy (Kathy Baker) and Rod Stewart imitator Kevin (Bruce Wise). It’s celebration time, and the girls are married by disabled lesbian tele-rabbi Sharon (Janine Klein). They all decide that God exists for the purpose of the ceremony, but the decision is closer than Gore / Bush. Thank goddess this whole scene never gets touching.

It’s not the most even comedy on stage this season, but there are plenty of campy yucks surrounding the unresolved theological questions. One set of characters believes, and the other ridicules. No one moves off their center, but at least they still get together for sex and booze, and that’s about the best seasonal message we can hear these days. Trey’s Santa was the funniest character on stage, although Marshall does glow and beam as the uncomfortably pregnant mother in waiting. Someone even took the trouble to get real Mormon shoes for Peggy. It’s a long show, in need of some editing, but certainly more interesting than 3 ghosts and a turkey for your holiday entertainment.<p>

For more information onFootLights Theater, please vist http://www.parliamenthouse.com

Ashes 2 Ashes

By Donald Patrick Cupo

Directed by David Buchman

Starring J. Landon Price, Rick Bresse, Jennifer Jacobsen

Take a Chance Theater Inc.

Presented at the Cherry Street Theater, Winter Park, Fla</b><p>

Some people regard death as life’s great tragedy, and others view it more as an inconvenience in their social schedule. That is, when it happens to others. The Last Hurrah Crematorium and Funeral Parlor caters to that second group, staging elaborate themed funerals for well-heeled and no longer breathing patrons. It used to be a regular funeral home, hanging by a thread until marketing guru Frankie Rubino (Price) took over for his mortician brother Mikey (Bresse). Today, everyone is dressed for a Wizard of Oz send off, staged in honor of Justin’s (Daniel Green’s) ex-lover. He pointedly forgot to tell the departed’s estranged wife Angela Scarpetti (Jacobsen), but she found out anyway. Angela would have preferred a regular internment, so the cremation is a bit of a surprise, and now the ashes are encased in an hourglass shaped urn made form two Diet Pepsi 2 liter jugs. Well, that’s symbolism for you. All it gets you is a lawsuit and a laugh from the subtitle crowd. Justin pretends to flush the dear departed in a complex plot to Do Evil Against Angela. Complicating the action is Mikey’s fiancée, Frankie’s ex lover, and Justin’s niece, all in the roll of Marly (Xanthia Elizabeth Campbell) It’s multiple intersecting grudges as we discover where the ashes went, who’s suing whom, and whether the coolest funeral home in town will keeps it street credibility, or sell out to the striped suit and lily set.

Or do we care? “Ashes” drifts between a farce hinged on cross-dressing and Dorothy jokes, and a complex but unexpected drama that peeks out from behind the tulle occasionally. The acting improves as the night wears on, if the jokes fade into a lost world of missed timing and silly hats. Bresse’s Mikey starts out whiney and lost, but eventually finds a roll a bit beyond the oppressed younger brother, convincing us he really does love Marly despite all her tricks. Frankie seems sincere enough as the calm center of the comedy, and Marly is nasty enough as a jilted woman seeking vengeance. While Justin gets the best jokes, he still seems bound and determined to be Rip Taylor in a dress. It’s Jacobsen’s Angela that redeems the show, lighting up the stage every time she appears as the aggrieved and cuckolded wife. There’s plenty of doors on stage to qualify as a farce, but the humor seems afraid to run out on stage, lest it, too, becomes the centerpiece of an in appropriate funeral. <p>

For more information on Take A Chance Theater, please vist <a “href=http://www.takeachancetheater.com” > www.takeachancetheater.com </a>

Ma Rainey’s Back Bottom

By August Wilson

Directed By Joseph Pinckney

Starring Michelle Nicole Falana, Barry White, Benjy Westmoreland, Steve Jefferson

Orlando Black Essential Theater, Orlando, Fla</b><p>

It’s 1927 and Negro Blues are sweeping the music charts. Ma Rainey (Falana) comes to Chicago with her entourage to record Black Bottom Blues for cranky studio exec Sturdyvant (Ty Morton). She sells records and manages her position by perfecting the petulant superstar role in a standoff battle of power with Sturdyvant. Her nebbish manager Irvin (Michael Hart) runs around trying to keep everyone happy, and fails miserably. Underneath this fixed battle, down in the band rehearsal room, resides a Greek chorus of 4 back up musicians. Leading the troops trombonist Cutler (Jefferson), a man who knows how to deal with those in power and how to roll a tight joint. On piano is the philosophy-spouting intellectual Toledo (Westmoreland), and the trumpet player Levee (White) has new shoes and new ideas on where he might head in the music business. Rounding out the quartet is Bassist Slowdrag (Pinckney), owner of the least convincing prop instrument I ever saw and content with things as they were and are. While Ma’s sessions are the notional point of the play, all the real action occurs down in the rehearsal room where we debate the possible roll of the blacks in white run society. Slowdrag is largely content with what he has – a semi legit job, no more hassles than anyone else, and enough cash to buy Bourbon when he want it. Cutler knows the system, stay in his place and gets the job done, even though the pay is the same. Toledo has read a bit and thought about the situation, and concluded that blacks are just imitation white men, having lost their proud African roots, even though echoes of the old ways have survived slavery. But it’s Levee who has the grand plans – he wants to be a star, believes he can compete with white society on his own terms, and over reacts violently when his plan fails. With no other outlet for his rage, he strikes at the harmless Toledo over a scuffed Florsheim.

While there are some slow sections in the band room debates, each player clearly defines his part and there are some spectacular aural fireworks, particularly from White’s Levee as he recounts the horrors he’s seen at the hands of white in his rural homeland. I was particularly impressed that he ate a peanut butter sandwich on stage before the monolog. Feisty Falana looks the part of a Blues Diva, and there’s good support from here stuttering nephew Sylvester’s (Arbender Robinson) and his girl Dussie Mae (Reese Hart) Rather than tackle the technical challenge of playing the blues and sounding authentic, music is lip synched against the scratchy shellac of the original song, which, if nothing else, lets you know what the sound is all about. It’s fresh and fun, and even the occasion intrusion by the CSX coal train adds to the scruffy set’s atmosphere. Now, if they can only drum up a better-looking Bass from the local hock shop, we’ll have another blues hit on our hands.

For more information on Orlando Black Essential Theater, please visit www.obet.org<p>

Cherry Street Launch

Playwrights Round Table

Cherry Street Theater, Winter Park, Fla</b><P>

It’s another Short Play Fest-O-Rama-Con, as the PRT folks fine-tune and

produce 5 ten-minute short plays over a 3-day weekend. I was able to

catch the last evening’s festivities, which launched PRT’s residence in

the new facility on Cherry Street, down on the mean streets of Winter

Park’s gritty Industrial District. <P>

Opening the event is Alice Mannette’s “Mein Freund,” a sweet character

study of Johannes Brahms (Frank Zeleznik), famous composer and

libertine, and his upper-class friend and pianist Joseph Joachim (Jay

Glick). Brahms and Joachim are now old men and almost estranged. Brahms

has taken to playing piano in a whorehouse, and his friend is

embarrassed to even visit. Reconciliation revolves around a new double

concerto, and while Joachim lectures about morality and Brahms babbles

about the Soul of The People, sexy little Sophia (Ashley Stutzman)

sashays around flattering both old goats. Lust for material overcomes

disgust for lust and a partial reconciliation soon erupts.

“First Date” by Leaven Darnell is the cutest and most self-referential

play of the show. Bright and enthusiastic Richard packs a pack of rubbers

as he knocks on Karen’s (Andromeda Aery’s) front door for that all-important first impression. Things are going well enough until the

chicken at a suspect restaurant does him in. The fun is that there’s no

dialog, only a condensed stream of the writer’s consciousness guiding the

action.

John Goring presents “Hildie,” the tale of an old woman (Frances

Mansfield) aging as gracelessly as possible. She’s no longer able to

care for herself, and even making oldest daughter Sherri Dewitt

miserable has lost its charm. With the furniture gone and Old Folks home

looming down the street, she continues to browbeat her daughter until

it’s too late for her to do anything about the overdose she gave

herself. Tragic and painful, it’s close enough to what we all have or

will go though as our loved ones fail to outlast us.

Next up is the sly Sci-Fi story of a man (Paul Wegman) and his younger

self (Bill Patterson) called “Bus Stop.” The young man is out for his

big day – he’s going downtown to meet his buddy, and then deliver a

carload of drugs to a rendezvous with certain gunplay and permanent

injury. With the young man listen to sage advice? Will the old man

convince him to change his plans and change his fate, or will the Old

Man have to slink off to live out his life in the same misery he brought

on himself by not taking advice he tried to give himself? It’s the

Grandfather Paradox, without the flashing lights.

Wrapping up the evening is M. Lark Underwood’s “One Thing After

Another.” Billy Jay (Mark March) is the phlegmatic cashier at a gas

station. Co-worker Corky (Dean Walkuski) is on a talking jag about bug

parts in cokes and candy bars and bending everyone’s ear until pert

little Rachel (Amy Brackel) tries to charge her gas on a library card.

She throws one of those fits that southern women are famous for when

they are obviously in the wrong and still plan to get their way. She

talks her way into the cashier’s office; then viciously overcomes the

staff and escapes with the gas, the money, and her accomplice. What she

sees in Corky is beyond me, but that’s how much story we get in ten

minutes.

I don’t see a huge demand for ten-minute plays, but as writing and

directing exercises, these all indicate that longer, more complex works

may grow from these seeds. It’s a fun process, and the workshop format

allows the audience and other writers to raise that one important

question – “Just WHAT were you thinking?” And get a good answer.

Joe’s NYC Bar – The Halloween Parade

Directed by Christian Kelty

Temenos Ensemble Theater, Orlando, Fla</b><P>

“Costume Optional”, like “Clothing Optional”, always engenders two great

fears. One is that you’ll be the only person participating, and the

other is that you’ll be the only one NOT. I was almost in that first personal

level of Heck, but then a few other brave souls showed up and it was

time for another evening in the hippest bar this side of Highway 50.

Owner Gabe (Christian Kelty) is off on a Spirit Quest, which is what

guys used to call trekking to Nepal in search of hash. I don’t think he

was doing that exactly, but it’s never explained that clearly.

Meanwhile, his assistant Ivan (John Connon) runs the joint and pulls off

a passable Elvis impersonation, and the regulars filter in past bouncer

Roger (Shawn Ull). A washed-up prom queen (Cindy Pearlman) and her redneck brother Buster (Peter Hurtgen) hold down the sexually ambiguous end

of the discussion, and Dante (Tony Lopez) and “She” (Beth Marshall)

cover the metaphysical shade. Buster hates drag queens, like the snake-headed Medusa, and his sister reveals they both made out with the same

cousin. Kinky. Dante arrives with a spectral cabby, who keeps urging him

to get back in the cab and cross the river, but he never says whether

it’s the Hudson, the East River, or that one named after the Canadian

metal band. “She” did a little instant channeling through him, and

brings back some of the cast’s deceased loved ones to do some pop psych

reconciliation. Personally, I think waking up dead old dad from the

eternal sleep to reveal one is a cross dresser isn’t really necessary or

even polite. He WAS resting in peace, after all. Later, Dante revels his

unexpected relationship to Roger and life in general, the result is

moving, but perhaps not as creepy as intended. Frankly, it’s hard to

generate real creepiness in today’s jaded TV-X generation, but the

effort was well taken.<p>

There’s never dull conversation at Joe’s, and tonight we went around the

audience and discussed some of the deep seated fears people have –

snakes, death, damp toilet seats, all the usual stuff. Personally, I

have two real fears – boredom, and camping. Strange, but true.

Fortunately, neither received a workout tonight, and it all made

dragging out that old flight suit and running it through the wash a

great idea.<p>

For more information on Joes, please visit www.joesnycbar.com<p>

Rick Stanley’s Cabaret

Mad Cow Theater, Orlando, Fla</b><p>

Over most of the 20th century, the songs of Richard Roger and Lorenz

Hart, and then Rodgers and Oscar Hammerstein set the standard for what

we now regard as “Broadway Show Tunes”. Hummable music and direct lyrics, often speaking

of the multiple facets of love, carry emotion and move the heart of the

listener. In this little unaffected show, Rick Stanley sets out a fine

selection of this material accompanied by Pianist Jason Wetzel. The

atmosphere is intimate, with the higher rolling patrons sitting at teeny

tiny tables nearly on stage, and the lesser lights of listenership

perched on Mad Cow’s softer-than-average theater seats. Stanley’s voice

does more than justice to the material, working though old standards

such as Getting To Know You and People Will Say We’re In Love, and some

lesser known yet still enjoyable material, like Johnny One Note and When

And Where. When not tossing blue confetti at people’s drinks, Stanley

slides around stage in an accompaniment of motions, almost miming what

he sings. Near the middle of the show, he drags Mad Cow Alum Katrina

Ploof out off the audience for a fun but slightly contrived pair of

songs; Lady is a Tramp and My Funny Valentine. She’s no slouch at

singing either, but it WAS sort of obvious they had rehearsed the

staging a time or ten. Nothing wrong with that, it seemed perfectly in

line with the tenor of Broadway, where people do tend to burst into song

and dance at times when mere mortals would be content to just yell at

each other. <p>

Orlando asymptotically approaches a genuine downtown cosmopolitan

atmosphere as a bit more cabaret creeps onto the calendar. This show

stars a bit late, and doesn’t run too long, allowing the audience a

little après theater at one of the area’s many ‘Open till Leno starts’

drinking establishments. It’s a fun hour or so, suitable for dating or

reminiscing, and all the place really needs now is a flashing neon sign

outside with a martini glass on it. Oh, and martinis at the bar, but

that’s probably pushing the mayor’s tolerance on REAL fun for downtown.

For more information on Mad Cow, please visit www.madcowtheatre.com

The Tempest

By William Shakespeare

Directed by Michael Carlton

Starring William Metzo, Sarah Hankins, Grace Hsu, Eric Hissom

Orlando UCF Shakespeare Festival

Orlando, Fla.</b><p>

Life’s tough for vital Prospero (Metzo), deposed duke of Naples. He’s

stuck on a sandbox of an island in the middle of nowhere with his nubile

daughter Miranda (Hankins) and a few magic tricks he picked up on the

cruise out. It’s rough magic for this brave new world, but he’s

grabbed control of at least two of the 4 elements – invisible Ariel

(Hsu) and earthy Caliban (Hissom). Ariel does his mystical bidding via a

wooden stick puppet, bound to him by the same sort of guilt that mom

used on you when you wouldn’t eat your broccoli. Caliban does the dirty

work, popping out of the ground to haul wood and fetch water and

generally skulk about like Gollum with a hangover. Prospero makes

progress with the other elements, raising a watery tempest to bring a

ship with the people who deposed him to the island. When they arrive,

his prototype Fire Dragon scares the jujubes out of the visitors. That

would include the bushy bearded Alonzo (Ron Schneider), elfin Gonzalo

(Michael Walls), evil competing Duke Antonio (Davis Size) and Prospero’s

nasty brother Sebastian (Tad Ingram). Well, Gonzalo didn’t really depose

him, but he’s stuck with that contingent for the duration. Why are they

here? Well, Prospero has plans for his daughter. It’s time she get

married, and allow him to reclaim his dukedom. Handsome Ferdinand

(Basso) will do nicely, so he and Miranda spend the rest of the show

mooning away at each other. Gotta have a Romance, so sayeth the Bard.

Where is that Caliban, anyway? He’s hooked up with Stephano

(Mark Rector) and Trinculo (Richard Toth). They made to the islands with

a 55-gallon drum of cheap wine, and plan to drink it till it drowns

them. While in their cups, Caliban convinces them to kill Prospero and

run the island. That seem to really push their collective management

skills, but no matter, there’s a lot of falling down and back flips and

general drunken revelry that really is the highlight of the evening.

Hissom’s Caliban looks like he smells bad, and generally treats

the visitors like an evil Lhasa Apso cruising for a date. Toth and Rector

are the perfect physical foils, always on the edge of injuring someone

or even worse, spilling their drink.

All this happened on one of the most stylistically complete sets around

• the mood is deeply Indonesian, complete with shadow puppets and flower-adorned drinking cups. Dragons cross the stage, sometimes run by the 4

spirits who aid Ariel, and sometimes projected as huge shadow puppets.

Oriental music infuses the air, ranging from Gamelan to Chinese Court

music to Mongolian Throat singing. The storm’s scary, the comedy

physical, and the only things missing are the smell of plumaria and

curry in the night air. And you, of course. You MUST see this. Prospero

says so, Caliban still works for him, and he’s STILL lonely.<p>

for more information on UCF-Shakespeare, visit www.shakespearefest.org<p>

Private Eyes

By Steven Dietz

Directed by Fran Hilgenburg and Douglas Huston

Starring Roger Greco, Laura Rohner, Derek Ormond</b><p>

It’s confusing world, with characters lost within the conflicting

spheres of plays within plays, plays within fantasies, and the lost

world of what is and what might be. Matthew (Greco) and Lisa (Rohner)

are married but not that happily, and fit into the contrived theatrical

world of director Adrian (Ormond). He’s in the colonies, on leave from

the London stage scene and a prying wife Cory (Peni Lotoza). Since he’s

English, he can get away with any affectation – tasteless shirts, bad

accents, and a Tin-Tin style haircut – and still claim the moral high

ground of stagecraft. He or may not be having an affair of convenience

with Lisa, and Matthew may or may not want to know what’s really going

on, and the lot sort of does and doesn’t want the relations to continue

beyond the short run of this Black Box experimental show. Cory

eventually shows up and makes a halfhearted attempt to seduce Matt, with

the idea in mid of confronting the wandering Adrienne. Still with me?

Not a problem, because Matthew spends a good bit of time explaining it

to his shrink Dr. Frank (Caroline Ross), a doctor from the “How long

have you hated your mother?” school of analysis.

While the plot is convoluted, the story is entertaining and well cast.

There’s a clever juxtaposition of various power relations as Matt goes

from a director auditioning Lisa to a customer of Lisa in a tough

restaurant to an actor working for lecherous Adrienne. It takes a few

wig changes and appearances for the doltish among the audience to

conclude Cory is Adrienne’s wife, and the normally invisible stagehands

get a few self-referential moments in while moving furniture on stage.

It’s a play about ignoring reality in the most realistic way possible,

about the ephemera nature of truth and humor. Someone once asked, “What

is truth?” Beats me, I’m just the audience. Maybe it really is

just air. <p>

For more information, please visit www.theatredowntown.net<p>