Whacked Over Bush – February 21st, 2003
by Bing Futch
“I know where I’m goin’, don’tcha wanna come too?”
-The Judds
“We’re on the road to nowhere, come on inside”
-Talking Heads
“I’m still goin’ nowhere in my head”
-Mohave
And there appeared a spark of light in the gloom, like the little orange ticks that fly off a Zippo when it’s struck against the heel of one hand. A spark of light, distant yet strangely intrusive to the naked eye. Like the lantern which cast a beam of light upon a old man’s rheumy eye through the crack of a slightly open door, it proclaimed mightily from across space and time “you ain’t seen nothin’ yet.”
For those of you who have ridden with me for longer than a few parsecs, I thank you with every throbbing molecule of my being. You all rock.
The jury’s out, but the prosecutor (who is also working for the defendant) is expecting a verdict of “crazy as a fucking loon” before the week is out. You can never be too aware, especially when you’re involved. Isn’t that so true? People say it’s bad to be selfish but let’s simmer on this one for a few; if you’re running for your life when someone is after you with a gun, are you being selfish? For the most part, only you can know beyond a moonshadow of a doubt what you are thinking, feeling and dealing with. Otherwise, people talk through filters all of the time.
“I went to meetings”
On a balmy, sunny day in the early part of last fall, I did the Epcot stroll and got in a good lap around the World Showcase Lagoon before picking up an extremely daintified, pink princess secrets journal from a store not too far from the plastic pavilion representing Mexico. The adorable little book is silver, in a sparkly fairy way, with Tinkerbell courtseying on the front and a pink plastic lock with a key dangling in a clear sheath below. Tinkerbell’s been my favorite Disney character for years because she’s a right sexy gal, even if she thinks her hips are too wide. In any case, I turned it into my “ideas” book, a handy reference to mental noodlings that would never be remembered because the bridge to my long-term memory fell in a mindquake years ago.
There are some jottings about George W. Bush and Iraq, something erratically scribbled about “The Evil Anti-Kennedy” and “down with the aristocracy!” As of press time, Bush was shaking his finger at millions of protesters around the world saying that he respectfully disagreed with their anti-war stance and cheerfully pointed out that the masses were exercising their First Amendment rights.
What a prick.
I know he’s only the CEO of America and that most of the decision-making is up to his board of directors, but this guy beats out Michael Eisner for the dubious honor of “Most Likely To Be The Destroyer Of Disney World.” On September 11th, 2001 – Disney was the first business to shutter its doors and usher out the bewildered and uninformed masses. Specific intelligence was received that the world-famous resort had become a target for terrorist attack and they weren’t taking any chances. Of course, it makes perfect sense. After attacking their cities of industry and financial stability, really do the Big Dirty on ‘em and start blowing up their theme parks, movie theaters, stadiums and malls. The first televised images of people staggering out of an international icon like Spaceship Earth, where more than a few videocameras would be available to roll, videotapes quickly sold to local stations, because you know if people grabbed shattered bits of Columbia to sell on E-Bay, someone would want to deliver the footage and get their fifteen minutes of “I was there” over with. The stations would clamor for them too, paying top dollar to be the first with the “exclusive” shot by a tourist at Walt Disney World when a popular attraction was rocked by a grenade explosion.
Now, since I know the government is on my hard drive and looking at these words through some sort of supercomputer that looks for buzz words and phrases on the internet, I’ll make this statement as advised by my lawyers that in no way, shape or form do I, Bing Futch, intend to blow up Spaceship Earth or President Bush at any time in the near or far distant future. It’s not in my character. If this story has not been updated in a month, head for the borders and don’t forget the sheep.
They say that this is the Land of the Free where Freedom Rings, but if I wanted to make a movie right now about an American Terrorist like Timothy McVeigh that actually has a loyal, supportive following of anti-American neo-patriots, it would be downright insulting to a disproportionate amount of people. That Bush fool is not only taking away our last few freedoms in this country, he’s also pissing off other countries, which will make it very difficult for Americans who wish to try on their ex-patriate shoes to take them Anywhere-But-Here.
The last time, Americans fought for liberty from the British. This time, Americans should fight for liberty from the Bush. Ol’ King George stands for everything this land was against when it was first a functional democracy, not counting the first aristocratic administrations.
Bush and Co. are playing a dangerous game with all the “cheats” on. They perceive themselves to be like Romans of old, forging ahead with a mighty army and ensuring themselves names in all the history books. If their plan goes well – we kick holy hell out of Iraq, put Korea in its place and show those religious nuts in the Holy Land who really owns the temples and places of prayer. The mighty United States, led by mightier men than anywhere else.
And if the plan fails and one of those Weepers O’ Mass Destruction should come streaking across American skies – Bush and the Brave Roman Consulate will duck into one of those vast underground cities near Colorado and watch everything via closed circuit television. Think of it as “Bush’s Ark” – everything needed to re-seed civilization will be in place.
Halfway between here and the Planet Of The Apes.
“bfsig”
