Women & Girls Rule My World
VH1, in partnership with Maxim magazine, is running a show purporting to list the 100 hottest women currently on the scene. I watched the show (it was on and I’m single, what do you want from me?).
I know such lists are always arbitrary and it’s impossible to please everyone. But the first thing I noticed about the special is that it seemed very dependent on whom they could get interviews with–they’d just zap by the people who might actually have an intelligent thing to say and spend god knows how long with your basic spokesmodel types. And we all know what brilliant conversationalists they can be.
Then when they got to the top slot, I found myself yelling, “No! No, no…no no!” So: Click below if you want to see VH1/Maxim’s list, along with my occasional comments. With pictures of the ones I like, too.
100
Tamala Jones
99
Amanda Swisten
98
Missi Pyle
97
K.D. Aubert
96
Tamie Sheffield
95
Brody Dalle
94
Giuliana DePandi
93
Nadine Velazquez
92
Melissa Howard
91
Eva Longoria
90
Jill Wagner
89
88
Lindsay Price
87
Christina DaRe
86
Victoria Pratt
85
Maria Menounos
84
Dido
83
Blu Cantrell
82
Thalia
81
Daisy Fuentes
80
Rachel Nichols
79
First one we don’t have to talk about. Pretty cute, and also pretty good in The New Guy…which is a lot like being a good sailor on the Titanic, I grant you, but…
Oh, and, uh, check out the gams…</b>
78 Vanessa Marcil
77
Paulina Rubio
76
Elena Lyons
75
Eva Green
74
Bianca Kajlich
73
Mandy Moore
72
Cameron Richardson
71
Victoria Beckham
70
Monika Kramlik
69
(Ahem…picture is possibly not, as they say, “work safe.”)
Ah, Milla, Milla Milla…we go way back, she and I. I first got the sense that there was something something more than a beautiful face to her when I heard her on the Alex Bennett show on Live 105 in San Francisco. She was only about 14 at at the time and promoting her appearance in the bomb Blue Lagoon sequel, but she held her own with Bennett and his usual group of dark-edged comedians. A few years later she recorded an album which, as albums by models turned actresses turned singers go, is still pretty good. When she returned to Alex’s show to promote it, I drove up to be in the studio audience and get her autograph on my copy. It’s signed “Love…” I like to think this will one day be known as exhibit A. Unfortunately she doesn’t seem as sharp-witted as an adult as a youth. I’m not saying I suspect I know the reason for this…I’m just saying she appeared on the cover of High Times magazine. Still, her presence onscreen can make the difference between a just-below and just-above average movie (as in Resident Evil).</b>
68 Rachel Hunter
67
Now we’re talking. Not only is she, shall we say, to drool over, but every time I catch an old rerun of Married…with Children I’m struck by what a great comic performance Kelly Bundy was. She should have got an Emmy for that instead of her Friends guest spot. Now she seems to have built a career as a character actress with a lot of bad films that she’s good in.
66
Brooke Burns
65
Larissa Meek
64
Fergie
Only thing I learned from the VH1 show is that this Black-Eyed Peas singer is a Kids Incorporated grad…
63 Shannyn Sossamon
62
Tricia Helfer
61
Rachel Perry
60
Monet Mazur
59
If you ever catch this girl on a talk show, pay close attention to how she uses her hands to emphasize points as she speaks. I swear she’s almost saying “Look at my breasts! Look at my breasts! Look, look, look at my breasts!” I mean not that they’re not spectacular and all…
58 Rachel Bilson
57
Another one that I’m pretty ok with. Kind of sweet as the straight woman in the Scary Movie films, dead-on satirical as the starlet Who Is Not Supposed To Be Cameron Diaz in Lost In Translation, and funnier than the Friends in the last couple episodes of Friends.
56 Kelly Hu
Did you know Kelly Hu is the second most famous person to get an early break in a Friday the 13th film? Kevin “six degrees of” Bacon being the other?
54
Shakira
53
Naomi Watts
52
Mya
51
Gina Gershon
50
Amber Brkich
49
I should be so lucky, lucky lucky lucky…
48 Kelis
47
Ana Hickmann
46
Paige Butcher
45
I recall reading a few years back that Phair had been offered, and was seriously considering, a layout in Playboy. Ultimately she decided not to–which means she turned down some serious bank–because she realized something that Madonna, after almost 20 years, still hasn’t grasped: It is virtually impossible for a naked woman to be subversive or ironic.
44
Kate Bosworth
43
Well, I wouldn’t kick her out of bed, would you?</b>
42 Brooke Burke
41
Gisele Bundchen
40
Shania Twain
39
Amber Arbucci
38
37
Krista Allen
36
35
Pamela Anderson
34
33
32
31
Jessica Biel
30
Sara Foster
29
Ashanti
28
27
Nicole Richie
26
Kate Hudson
25
Maggie Gyllenhaal
24
23
Josie Maran
22
Cameron Diaz
21
Elisha Cuthbert
20
Michelle Branch
19
18
Keira Knightley
17
16
Kim Smith
15
14
Brittany Murphy
13
12
Carmen Electra
11
Eve
10
9
Jessica Alba
8
Paris Hilton
7
6
Mischa Barton
5
I suppose there must be something there, but really, is her booty that much better than anybody elses?</b>
True, but obvious.
3
Christina Aguilera
See, I understand why Britney Spears feels the need to pose for the cover of Rolling Stone in a low-cut, push up bra. Britney can’t sing. I’m less clear about why Aguilera, who can, feels the need to pose for pictures like this.
There’s only part of me that’s complaining, mind you.</b>
2 Beyonce Knowles
1
Jessica Simpson
I want to tell you something about me. I would not fuck Jessica Simpson on a bet. I would not fuck Jessica Simpson if it meant I’d get a play produced on Broadway and win a Tony. I would not fuck Jessica Simpson if it meant I could fuck any other 10 of this list (my choice) afterwards, singly or in groups…
