Okay folks, here’s how it looks to me
Random, assorted observations and predictions:
Whatever is going on with that bulge in Bush’s coat, we won’t find out for years–and probably not until he dies.
The OBL tape will be judged not to have affected the election one way or the other, either because people have already made up their minds or because the “hurt or help” factor for each candidate canceled each other out.
Turnout will be the greatest in living memory–or at least of the past 25-30 years.
If Bush wins, the next four years are going to erupt in scandal that will make Iran-Contra look like Monicagate.
But Bush isn’t going to win, Kerry is. An early clue will be when he takes Florida. Which even our man Joe Scarborough admits is very possible, though he’s calling it for Bush–he has to, he wants to keep being invited to the parties. Poor guy.
The “other” terrorist videotape, the one ABC ran at the pro-Bush bloggers urging, will eventually be exposed as a fake. Karl Rove will deny all knowledge of this, or that he did it to scare OBL out of hiding.
If Bush does win, there will eventually be a draft. They just won’t call it that. And eventually, a whole lotta Bush voters will wake up with buyer’s remorse–since we already know most of them have no idea who or what they’re voting for.
Ok, I’m gonna have to serious on you here for a few seconds. We are going to continue paying the price for Iraq for a long, long time to come. And I mean “paying the price” in every way imaginable. If the bitterness of the “swift boat” vets has taught us nothing else, it is that the psychological wounds of Vietnam are still far from healed. 30-35 years from now, our children will still be grappling with issues from this Iraq war.
But again, George W. Bush is not going to win. John Kerry is. Unfortunately, it probably won’t be the Reagan-in-84-style-landslide we need to give him a real mandate; though I’d of course love to be surprised on that point.
I feel the need to stop for a moment for one of my all-time favorite “West Wing” quotes. If you’re a longtime reader you’ve seen it here once or twice before.
“If our jobs teach us anything it’s that we don’t know what the next President’s gonna face. If we choose someone with vision, someone with guts, someone with gravitas who’s connected to other people’s lives and cares about making them better, if we choose someone to inspire us, then we’ll be able to face what comes our way and achieve things we can’t imagine yet.” –Toby, “20 Hours in America.”
By the way, Bravo will be having a pre-election marathon of West Wing episodes this monday. Watching is, as always, highly recommended.
Now back to the real world.
No matter what happens in the election, it will be something that none of the pundits saw coming. The pundits will continue to have their heads up their asses.
When Kerry wins, Bush supporters will blame it on CBS and the New York Times.
When Kerry wins, Instapundit won’t acknowledge it. NRO will, but they’ll say he wasn’t legitimately elected. No, they won’t see the irony.
Speaking of irony, it’s quite possible god is just so ironic that Bush will win the popular vote, but Kerry the electoral. No, Bush conservatives won’t see the irony of that either.
Kerry will be a much better President than anyone suspects. But he still won’t be far-left liberal enough for me and my friends at The Nation. Bush will become an even worse president than anyone expects; because, once again, so few of his supporters know just how far-right conservative he really is.
And that may be the final irony in an election dripping with irony. In a cockeyed way, Kerry is the candidate most of the people who will be voting for Bush want. They just don’t know they want him. And most of the people who will be voting for Kerry don’t really want him…they just want him more than they want Bush, which is what’s going to put him over the top.
Ok, this is getting kinda dark, so here’s a few joke ones:
When Kerry wins, Tucker Carlson will suck up to the Democrats faster than Paris Hilton inhaling a (censored…my mother reads this blog…).
Dan Rather will retire and CBS, seeing which way the wind is blowing, will install Jon Stewart and his team.
Cate Edwards will become sexually obsessed with a young Seattle playwright and finance his plays simply as a way of getting him into bed.
If Bush wins, his second term will be cut short when he is eaten by wolves.
But don’t panic! Kerry is going to win. And offer every one of the chickenhawks ambassodorships to Iraq in descending order, starting with Bush. They will respectfully refuse.
Ok, feel better? Now back to the cold, hard reality:
Sooner or later, it will eventually become clear that the only thing to do in Iraq is withdraw (largely because they hate us). Conservatives will use this against Kerry in the next election.
