Children’s Music For Adults

Children’s Music For Adults

Children’s Music For Adults

Children’s Music for Adults Volume 1

Daft Alliance

Children’s Music for Adults Volume 1 is neither an album for children nor adults. It’s full of bizarre and often incoherent beats and sounds that make it too complicated for children and far too annoying for adults.

After the twenty second intro, the album kicks off with “Kidcentrick” by Concentrick. A smorgasbord of beats and clips from various kid shows (I assume), the song is just short of the four minute mark and consists mainly of a xylophone, some guy saying “yeah” in slow motion (similar to the beginning of Radiohead’s “Kid A”), goats, some squeaky toy and noise that sounds like someone has a horrible case of diarrhea. Where this song is supposed to go, I have no idea. I played it for my son and he said, “Daddy, I don’t like this.” Can’t argue with a three-year-old.

Almost every song on this compilation is like that. Each song attempts to aim at real kids while simultaneously engaging the parents. The concept is well-meaning. Trying to steer children from the perpetual hell that is Barney and the Teletubbies is an effort that should be made by everybody with children. But for the most part, this falls far short of reaching any sort of goal that it might have. The only song that comes close to reaching that goal is “Dawn of the Dudes (original version)” by Bad Dudes. The song is the quickest 2:46 that has ever flown by. It sounds almost exactly like reaching the main “bad dude” on any video game. The music quickens and gets a little darker. Bad Dudes not only quicken the pace, but they are able to make the song friendly to children while keeping the adults interested.

Children’s Music for Adults Volume 1 is the first in a three volume set, and that is a scary thought. It’s like thinking about another sequel to Scooby-Doo. This compilation is supposed to be “an unlikely mix of weirdo musicians creating original childrens [sic] music with enough scrapes and bruises to entertain us old folks.” Yes, it’s an unlikely mix; and yes it is original. But few children will enjoy it (mine did not at all) ,and there are more scrapes and bruises than a championship title match in Extreme Championship Wrestling. Bottom line: Unless the next two volumes are able to at least make it interesting for kids, this project has not done its job.

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