Trapped in the Closet
And I thought I got rid of all the promo CDs I received from record labels during my years as a college radio yutz. I just found these four in my closet, all from 2003 (the year I graduated). Don’t remember much about them. Let’s see what we have here:
Union 13 – Symptoms of Humanity
Metal-tinged hardcore with a Hispanic flavor. Production slicker than a slip n’ slide greased with vegetable oil. Dock ‘em five points for the lame acoustic fake-out at the beginning of the record. “Going Through This” stands above the general din to be the requisite catchy, anthemic number. Guitar solos on the wanky side. Cookie Monster-type noise in “Traces.” A look at their Myspace page reveals Union 13 has experienced some growing pains as of late – they are currently looking for a second guitarist. If you like wearing black and shredding on insane riffs, go check it out.
The Hard Ons – Very Exciting!
Aussie punks leaning towards power pop. Lots of soft, dreamy harmonies, even on the more brutish numbers. Another helping of Cookie Monster vocals, but this time in jest (the song in question is titled “Cat’s Got Your Tongue” – are they ribbing black metal here?). More wanky solos, too. I understand. I play guitar myself, and that stuff’s lots of fun to whip out. I think Iggy Pop ghostwrote “Preservation of a Wild Cat.” So sexual, primal. Probably my favorite track. The rest is dangerously close to something Sean Lennon might have been involved in.
Various Artists – The Sound of San Francisco
From Alive Records, who sent me more crap than the University of Phoenix (not looking to become a nurse, thanks). This disc is a sampling of their wares. All new wave/garage rock revivalists. I like the Coachwhips song the best because it’s the shortest. I think this CD is what every shitty rock club I’ve been to since the White Stripes broke plays between bands. Certainly makes me feel like I’m standing around some gross place waiting for the Funderful Butt Explosion to take the stage. Thumbs way down.
U.S. Bombs – Put Strength In The Final Blow
I remember really hating this. Any band that emulates the Clash this much is yucko in my book. This is actually the Bombs’ first album, rereleased for reasons unknown. For the fans, probably. Wikipedia just reminded me these guys were the stage band during Jim Breuer’s stint hosting Comedy Central’s “Premium Blend.” I wonder how they feel about that now. The guitar on this record sounds like it’s being played through a 24” Zenith. Everything sounds so lifeless, as if they used take fifty-nine of each song. The only tune with any snap is the Saints cover, “Demolition Girl.” Bad sign, bros. Maybe this one should have stayed a vinyl-only release.
I can’t imagine why I hung on to these CDs. Maybe I was high on furniture polish. If anyone wants any of ‘em, let me know. I will totally unload them on you. First come, first served.
