Objective Tinnitus

Rap Cat

I just caught wind of the Rap Cat controversy, re: the carry-out bags that double as ghetto fabulous street duds for your tabby. First of all, I want to say that I totally support Rap Cat. He’s completely idiotic, yes, but I think that’s the point. He’s supposed to be idiotic. It’s absurdist parody. Don’t you think if Checkers/Rally’s was serious about Rap Cat they would have, oh, I don’t know, made him look a little bit less like a goddamn puppet?

Anyway, the bags. I don’t know if the people who are complaining about this promoting animal cruelty have ever been in a room with a cat and a bag. If there is some inherent danger in this equation, cats don’t seem to give a shit – they’ll get in that bag every time (especially if it smells like greasy french fries). And they usually go head first, which seems much more dangerous than what Checkers suggests (legs first, but only after you cut out leg holes so Puss in Bag can still maneuver). If anything, Checkers/Rally’s is trying to prevent animal cruelty. They even print a warning to over-eager pet owners that reads “Caution: Not all cats will be down with wearing this bag. Do not harm or endanger any cat.”

Sounds pretty responsible to me. Checkers/Rally’s knows that cats like bags. They’re just making it slightly safer and more fun for their owners. Look, it may not be a perfect idea, but you have to admit it’s better than Colonel Sanders’ Rooster Torture & Preperation Kit.

P.S. I have no idea why Checkers isn’t pluralized and Rally’s is. I also have no idea why they don’t just pick one name for the entire country.


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