Wherefore McCain?

Wherefore McCain?

Watching the trainwreck that is John McCain’s attempt at a presidential campaign, a rational person is forced to conclude that one of three things are occurring.

First, maybe he’s doing the best he can. He turns 73 on Friday, perhaps the rigors of life in a 24/7 fishbowl is too tiring for a man his age. Watching his public appearances invokes roughly the same feeling that one gets seeing a dog with a bad leg trying to get across a street- yeah, he might survive and not get crushed, but still the kindest thing to do would be a bullet behind the ear and thanks for the memories Fido. It isn’t his constant flip-flopping on issues, hell, he’s a lifetime politician- nobody expects him to have anything remotely akin to character, but his problems are deeper than simply saying whatever he guesses the person in front of him wants to hear. He literally looks overwhelmed- incoherent, stuttering, rambling, he’s a disaster once he opens his mouth. Hell, watch him at Sturgis- he’s so turgid at the thought of biker votes that he pimps out his wife and twitches about the stage looking more like a carny chicken dancing on a hotplate than a presidential candidate.

And lets not forget that his campaign, such as it is, is a remarkable disaster in public relations. Take one example. On the day following his probably career-ending gaffe of not remembering how many houses he owns, he takes a nine car motorcade to Starbucks for a latte. Every operative in his employ that didn’t object to that grotesquely stupid stunt should be fired immediately. If you were the Obama campaign, you couldn’t have written a better scene even with all your buds in Hollywood.

Another way to look at the horrorshow that is McCain for President is one any rational person would agree is possible- he just doesn’t want to be our next President. And really, what sane person would? I imagine that somewhere- maybe at his estate in Sedona beside his heralded grill, the powers that be of the GOP gave him an offer, something like this: “John, we’ve fornicated the puppy for 7 years now, and any fool can see we’ve f’d up everything we touched. The next president is going to have to raise taxes, get us out of Iraq, and give a bunch of “gee, we’re sorry” handjobs to A-holes like Putin if we’re ever going to be a real country again. So John, we aren’t gonna waste one of A Team this time around, because frankly, we don’t want to have the White House, not this time. Let the coon have it- he’ll have to piss so many people off fixing our mess that we can come back in 2012 and kick major ass. Granted, you’ll be retired by then, but we’ll fix you up sweet if ya play along.” And McCain, accustomed to selling out for money, took the deal.

But lastly, he could be counting on the standard GOP playbook: Get close enough to steal it. Bush stole it in the courts and on CNN the first time (see Brooks Brothers “riot”), stole it with Blackwell in Ohio in ’04, and there is nothing to suggest that McCain- who is using Karl Rove as an adviser- isn’t planning on doing it again. The man stands for nothing, trading away his five years in captivity for a shot at the big show, so corrupting an election is just one more trickle of weak piss upon the standards that this country presumably stands for. Selective polling has McCain and Obama dead even on the eve of the Democratic convention, but it is in no way the truth. It’s in the networks- and the GOP’s- best interest to maintain at least the illusion of a real race, CNN to sell ads, the GOP to sell arms. If the race actually is remotely close, it is only so because the media in this country refuses to call a fool a fool and actually report on what Sidney McShame actually does. Sure, Obama might be inexperienced and untested.

But McCain? He’s been tested. He failed. But despite all of the above, if this twitchy, bitchy little goof actually wins, I’ll be disgusted- but I won’t be surprised.

And thats the saddest outcome of all. Most of you probably didn’t notice, but I changed the slogan atop TTP to:

America is at that awkward stage: It’s too late to work within the system, but too soon to shoot the bastards Claire Wolfe

And that’s where we’re at, ladies and gentlemen. Read ’em and weep.

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