Preteen Weaponry


Let me share with you the sticker on the CD case of Oneida’s latest, called Preteen Weaponry: “The first piece of Oneida’s must-anticipated ‘Thank Your Parents’ triptych of releases, which will lay bare the band’s colossal vision of a new age in music.” Pretentious much? I thought so. Ambitious much? Uh, yeah, it’s safe to say. However, Oneida’s been scrambling the minds of those who happen to be in the Brooklyn area for years now, so my first thought was eventually bashed and left on the corner with my trash.

Everyone who listens to this album feels that explaining it is imperative – I am no different. One song, split into three parts, 45 minutes long with 60 seconds of vocals. Because this album is so incomparable to other musical ventures, it feels necessary to explain it in the plainest of terms. Oneida cannot be compared. I tried. For, like, over a week.

Have no fear! After $40,000 spent on college, I’ve been able to spin this yarn for ye, the confused-as-hell masses. Preteen Weaponry is the musical representation of what it is to be on the verge of becoming a teenager. The beginning is a mess, nebulous whirls of music, and not quite structured or sure of themselves. Then suddenly the drums form a beat that never wanes, never slows, and never loses the energy of being twelve years old. The beat is that of a preteen’s heartbeat, full of hormones, fear, anger, and rhythmic hope. It drives the listener to the depths of angst and then builds to an electronic assault with the third part of the album. The most structured of the three parts, the last track of the album comes to a close to usher in the second part of “Thank Your Parents.”

Unfortunately, it’s not coming until 2009. Start with their old stuff before you venture into Preteen territory. You are at the mercy of Oneida.

Who they remind you of: “old hippies in the chill out room” says their MySpace page – Yeah, that’s pretty much it.


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