Steven Seagal: Man Whore?
According to a complaint filed by a former employee, Steven Seagal apparently hires young women to be 24-7 on-call sex slaves. The accuser filed a civil suit against Seagal saying that she answered an ad to be an executive assistant only to find out that that meant banging Seagal whenever he felt like it. Evidently, the only way she escaped was by running to a waiting cab that sped away as Seagal and some of his goons tried to chase her down a week after she was hired…no doubt because of her outstanding resume.
This sounds just like one of Seagal’s movies, except he hasn’t chopped off anyone’s head…yet. Hero Seagal meets Villain Seagal. Villain Seagal keeps a stable of hot, but unwilling women that does his bidding out of fear. Hero Seagal rips limbs of every one of Villain Seagal’s 274 henchman and brings them to Villain Seagal on a silver platter. Hero Seagal rips head off of Villain Seagal by grabbing his nostrils and pulling. Vixens are so taken by Hero Seagal that they miraculously become a stable of hot, willing women.
Seriously, I can’t figure out if he thinks he’s actually that desirable, or if he’s finally realizing that he’s getting fat and old and he needs to utilize his Viagra-fortified mini-Seagal on unsuspecting really attractive women. He’s not the Sultan of Brunei. He doesn’t have billions of dollars and a friggin’ country that he can lure Playboy models to. He’s a seriously out-of-shape “actor” who can’t take that his career is now made up of direct-to-DVD movies. So he will make real life a movie. Why not? The movies that he’s putting out now, he’s barely in anyway, as Cracked.com found out.
So, Mr. Seagal, you could probably kill me by ripping out my intestines with your ever increasing double-chin, but at least I don’t have to force women to have sex with me. And I’m not pretending to be a “lawman” either.
