Sarah, seriously?

Sarah, seriously?

Tell me this isn’t just the bestest news evah:

Lights, Camera, Positive-Spin Action: Sarah Palin Is Back

Just when Republicans were starting to worry their 2012 presidential field would be too boring to bother with, Sarah Palin might be fixing to ride in like a movie hero just at the nick of time.

Be still my cynical heart. I was literally dreading another year plus of some sad sack GOP meat puppet sneaking around, attempting to look electable against Obama. Now Newt would have been fun to bash into the dirt, but alas, he decided to perform that task himself in the first week, robbing us of months of comedy gold. Mitt? Ha. It had gotten to the point that I felt that the GOP would go ahead and concede the election to Obama in actual fact, instead of by just not having a candidate. It would be great material for Sunday chat shows- “Look, we just saved the American people billions of dollars by not nominating a candidate…see ya in 2016!”

But this, this is good stuff right here:

Conroy reports Team Palin has yet to go looking for a campaign HQ, though they’re “operating under the notion that they are laying the groundwork for a future campaign, until they are told otherwise.”

Run, Sarah, run.

I have mentioned several times that I voted for Obama for one reason only- to watch the freaks come out from under their rocks so that we could deal with them face to face. And surely the biggest, most significant freak to slither out has been Governor Half Term, Sarah Palin. So please Sarah, answer the call of the 3,004,871 fans of your Facebook page, who slavishly refer to you as “President Palin” already, and run! Steer even more dupes to Sarah Pac, add to that Discovery Channel nest egg. Buy that house in Arizona…because if you had to pick the most obvious place for a person like you to relocate, it would be the State of Hate.

I honestly, sincerely hope Sarah Palin is the next Republican nominee. The good old boys of the party don’t want her- she’s toxic outside of Facebook and Fox- but on the other hand, what better way to completely remove her from the national scene once and for all by actually allowing her to run? Because unlike her current method of operation, where Sarah blathers only to carefully chosen minions who respond back with hugs and kisses, she’ll actually have to speak to people who actually have a clue. Thought Katie Couric was tough? Wait until you press that Grizzly Mama ass down on a chair at Meet The Press. Now, beholden as they are to power they’ll attempt to go easy on you, but its a hopeless task, since you have absolutely no idea on how the real world operates. Granted, you have the ability to be both bellicose and ignorant at the same time, but ask Herman Cain how well that works out.

No doubt she’d pump some life into this contest, which, since real candidates aren’t allowed to participate, is even more a sham facade than our usual electoral embarrassment, but I think Palin would discover right quick that she’s at 14.5 minutes on the Warhol scale, and any attempt to stretch that out isn’t going to be pretty. Barack Obama has been rumored to want to raise a billion dollars for 2012, but if facing Palin, he needs only to get his suit pressed for his single debate. It would only take about 30 minutes of airtime- real airtime, not the faux atmosphere of Fox “News” to completely shred what small amount of credibility she enjoys. Thought Newt looked stupid racing around smooching hiney trying to walk back his frankly logical statements on Ryan’s idiotic Medicare plan? Or Herman Cain amusingly befuddled by the Palestinian right of return? Imagine the effort Sarah Palin would have to make “clarifying” how the “lamestream media” played “gotcha” by asking the softball sort of questions you face in a debate? Got damn that would be great political theatre, dontcha think?

The reality is, a year and a half out, Obama leads Palin 53% to 35% in a straw poll. Obama could literally die before November of 2012 and still beat the stuffing out of that airheaded sock puppet, and everyone knows it. But since John McCain quixotically added her to the ticket, a fever of unreality has swept this nation. You can’t lay it all at her feet, certainly- she didn’t invent the birthers, or the Tea Party- but once some segment of this nation started taking her seriously, against all evidence, then it seemed as if all bets were off, and whatever gibberish some hillbilly from Georgia decided to yark up to the cameras gets repeated and discussed as if it was a serious statement from a serious person. That suspension of reality, that I lay at the feet of Sarah Palin.

If Palin runs, and I truly, truly hope she does, there will come a moment when the studio lights will be beginning to melt her makeup, and some media flunky will ask her a question about, say nuclear reactors, and it will take all of her bladder control not to spray fear down her leg in panic. We’ll see it in her eyes, and that will be the beginning of the end of The Quitter. Because otherwise, Mencken said it best:

“As democracy is perfected, the office of President represents, more and more closely, the inner soul of the people. On some great and glorious day the plain folks of the land will reach their heart’s desire at last, and the White House will be adorned by a downright moron.”

So Sarah, seriously? Run, and prove Mencken wrong. Because if the unreality-based freak show that is Sarah Palin is our inner soul, then…well.

Let’s stop right there, shall we?

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