Brian Feldman’s “Fiddler on the Phone”

Brian Feldman’s “Fiddler on the Phone”

Brian Feldman’s “Fiddler on the Phone”

Winter Park, FL

Sitting in my chair, I chucked quietly at Brian Feldman’s typographic corrections of my review of his recent “Knives Out” show. Blue indicates suggested word changes, Greens are typos, Orange indicates a need for clarification, and red highlights are to be exorcized with extreme prejudice. The clock ticks, and soon it chimes 6:38, and I am expecting a call. But nothing happens. I’m cruising Facebook for cat memes and I notice a message: “Pick up your phone!” I remember: It’s Feldman time. I must have given him my cell phone number which doesn’t work in the house due to “reasons.” I send him the land line, and he calls me from something even more anachronistic: a payphone somewhere in Winter Park. Yes, there is one, but I couldn’t direct you to it, and I LOVE antiques. Ring, ring, pick up and it starts: With no introduction or chat Feldman sings “If I Were a Rich Man” from the beloved and done to death “Fiddler on the Roof.” Feldman sounds like he’s singing into a Barbie microphone covered in My Little Pony horse pats. I focus on the words, most of which I believe are correct. He “Deedle Deedle Dees” and “Doodle Doodle Dahs” like an Alter Kocker fresh off the shtetl. If I didn’t know him better, I’d guess he’s slightly drunk and calling on a bet. His heart is in it, but his voice sounds lost like that little baby bird asking “Bist du meine Mutti?”

There’s no time for small talk; I’ve messed up his schedule. Any questions about of motivation or framing or subtext are left up to me. So, I think: “At least the Cossacks didn’t t come in and disrupt the performance.” Any show that avoids a Cossack Raid is a good show.

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