The Phantom Menace: Better Than Bad

by Shelton Hull

TUESDAY, JUNE 1, 11:52 AM

Star Wars has become the first movie to earn $100 million in its first

five days at the box office. A remarkable feat, sure, but considerably

less so when one takes into account the millions spent on various

cross-promotional advertising schemes. Mr. Lucas’ penetration of the

market has reached John Holmes proportions, aided and abetted at

every point by the media, which has spent the past two decades

trying to concoct a villain on the level of Darth Vader. The media, it

seems, exists to create hype, to perpetuate hype, and to report on

hype with starry-eyed glee, feigning a reactionary stance to the

exclusion of all salient facts. Granted, a rush of pro-SW sentiment

could probably be expected whether the media reports on it or not,

and this country certainly has no shortage of pathetic losers willing to

spend weeks in line for a movie that will be available for our

consumption for the rest of human existence (or lack thereof). But

the media’s role in all this is to take what would otherwise be a highly

anticipated movie and elevate it to hysterical proportions, thus saving

Lucas untold millions through free advertising. If he has any gratitude,

he should set up a multiplex in Tirana so the displaced Kosovars can

have a first-hand glimpse at that which is more important than they.

On its own merits, the movie is pretty good, if my opinion matters. It

does, but only in a collective sense, in the sense that it matters only

because everyone else feels the same way. A few critics and fans

have alleged a lack of action, but it has about as much, time-wise, as

the others. They’re not as epic as the two rebel attacks on Death

Star 1 & 2, or the Vader/Luke confrontations, for example, but more

attention is given to plot development. This movie is set thirty years

before the first one, so there’s plenty of explication to be done, which

is the point of a prequel.

Some complain that the Darth Maul/Qui-Gon Jinn/Obi-wan Kenobi

three-way dance doesn’t end in sufficiently dramatic fashion, but it’s

no less infuriating than Vader’s vanquishment of Kenobi in episode 4.

It also stands as key to the series’ plot progression by setting up the

Kenobi/Skywalker angle, as well as alluding to a Jedi trick done by

Luke (slightly modified) in Return of the Jedi. The choreography is

very good, due primarily to the efforts of whomever plays lead heavy

Darth Maul. He wields his double-sided lightsaber like a jo stick, and

the toy will be held in more adolescent hands this summer than

Michael Jackson’s specked cock. All told, these Jedis and Siths kill

more people by hand than any other incarnations, though the victims

are usually droids. The podracing sequence clearly establishes the

source of the Skywalkers’ aerial prowess. The desert course is laid

out rather like the bowels of the ever-present bad-guy monolithic

space station. Obviously, the Empire’s problem with structural

intergrity lies in their recycling of blueprints. And The Phantom

Menace has an open field, Civil War-style battle in which the digital

sidekick Jar-Jar Binks is finally able to do something other than

jabber like Jesse Camp with a belly full of gin.

The actors did well, especially considering that most of the sets and

characters are animated. Jake Lloyd’s work is the best I’ve seen from

a child since The Bad Seed. Like the female lead, Lloyd displays

prodigious talent at a very young age, younger in fact. Unless puberty

turns him into a troll or he gets a taste for nose candy, he’ll be a

stud. Natalie Portman is enthralling no matter what she does. It’s a

credit to her dramatic dexterity that she can elicit an equally

sympathetic on-screen rapport with Jean Reno, Timothy Hutton, and

a computer-generated fascist reptilian. For all the hoopla over

Princess Amidala’s wardrobe and makeup, it should be noted that

she looks no less attractive in, ahem, casual attire. (Phrased to

spare you from one of the hidden twists mentioned below.) And she

handles a pistol better than William Burroughs, which isn’t really that

hard. The Jedi team of Liam Neeson (who previously starred in

several things) and Ewan McGregor (something else, including

Trainspotting) are much better than credit is alotted for. Samuel L.

Jackson plays Mace Windu, a member of the Jedi Council whose

name is not mentioned and who barely appears at all. But his eyes

speak volumes. Chapters, anyway. It’s the kind of role that Scorsese

would give his mom, bless her soul, but GL promises expansion of

the Windu character in future installments.

As to be expected, there are plenty of plot twists. Many have been

given away by the press well in advance, but they are the more

obvious ones, such as that Senator Palpatine is destined to be the

high-voltage emperor. But the more salient points are yet to be dealt

with, such as what turns young Anakin to the Dark Side. I’d assume

that to be somehow congruent with the demise of Queen Amidala.

But that’s not to be revealed until the summer of 2002, by which time

the marks will have earned enough vacation time at the comic-book

store to wait in line for tickets.