RIDICULOUSLY OVERRATED SURFSPOT REVIEW: Sebastian Inlet
by James MacLaren
Picture, if you will, a vision of hell. A hell wherein the damned are forced to
rip and claw at each other for wretched scraps of a barely desirable item, an
item that is made even less desirable by the very actions of the damned who
fiercely vie for it’s possession, in a greedy feeding frenzy of self- centered
avariciousness.
Auschwitz?
Gulag Archipelago?
Attica?
Of course not! It’s our very own SEBASTIAN INLET! World-renowned arena of
scrapping and scrabbling over some of the worst surf the entire planet has to
offer.
On its very best day, it hardly measures up to a ho hum session on the South
Shore of Hawaii. And, in case you didn’t know, the South Shore is the Kiddy Pond
in Hawaii. It’s where the weaklings and losers hide from the real deal as handed
down at places like Sunset Beach or Log Cabins.
In California, Sebastian Inlet probably wouldn’t even qualify as worthy of so
much as a fricking NAME. They’d just call it “That crappy place over there, next
to the real break.” Anywhere else in the world and forget it. Nobody would give
it so much as a second glance.
But not here! No siree!
Macho wannabees and posers come from miles around to try their hand at a dorfy
beach break wave that has this stupid bounce deal coming off a man made object,
creating a wave that’s overhead for all of three feet down the line. After that,
it’s back to the same old three foot crap. Stay under the bounce, crop the photo
closely, and (excepting the hideous weird bent look to it) people just MIGHT
think you’re riding a real wave.
Those of us in the know, know better.
It’s a piece of shit and nobody is getting fooled here.
Oh yeah, drive for an hour, pay at the door, and paddle out to tilt with the
windmills!
WooWOO! We’re really surfing now! Watch me go!
Barf.
Kinder, Gentler?: “COOL PLACES YOU’VE PROBABLY NEVER BEEN TO REVIEW”
