Suburban
by Jason Nelson
Ardor and Fervor live on the same block. It’s one of those new
neighborhoods with overly sculpted bushes, and houses
built so close you could jump from roof to roof like a pajama-clad
superhero. The streets of this place are mattress-padded and
the mailboxes are made of a wobbly gelatinous substance. Nobody is sure why
the roadways are so soft, but some suspect a
conspiracy between the police and the all-powerful pudding manufacturers.
Of course these same folks suspect the makers of
Gatorade are devising a new sausage-flavored sports drink. And while the
great taste of sausage would make for a refreshing
drink, we all know that it’s just too hard to digest pig fat and run at the
same time. Every year Ardor and Fervor organize a
neighborhood party. They invite their friends Libido, Affection and
Yearning. Well sometimes they don’t call Affection because
he has a drinking problem and likes to pick fights with security. One year
they asked Truelove to park cars, but stopped when
they heard rumors he stole change from the ashtrays, and had sex with
Fervor’s girlfriend in the back of a sub-compact. She
could’ve pulled a muscle, Fervor kept yelling, she’s just not that limber.
Continue on: “Everything Comes in Threes”
