Archikulture Digest • December 5, 2003January 3, 2023

Number 38: Holiday Doldrums Edition

by Carl F. Gauze

Once more, I’ve been swizzled into visiting the opposing camp of relatives in a small northern state best known for being small, northern, and part of a civil war political compromise. The butter truck pulls up every few hours, the house is packed with feral children and cats that can’t be touched without a special state permit, and the weather is miserable. Most interestingly, the entire pack is mystified why I live in a state with low taxes, no snow removal equipment, and a theme park-based economy that seems at least as stable as the extractive businesses that dominate up here. There has been some good gossip, wife swapping, alcoholism and imminent divorce, so there is some potential material here for future writing. Still, the wind chill is in the single digits and I can’t wait for the miserable flight home. Cheers.

I Love you, You’re Perfect, Now Change

Music By Jim Roberts

Book and Lyric by Joe DiPietro

Directed by Michael Edwards

Winter Park Playhouse

Winter Park, Fla.

Admit it – you’ve dated. Or at least you acted like you did, just for appearance sake. And when or if you did, things began down a fairly predicable path – first date, second date, next thing you’re a grandparent boring the kids with your reminiscences. It’s all part of God’s plan, and an endless source of amusement to all those who aren’t involved in YOUR personal relationship, like the enthusiastic audience at this revival of WPPH’s clever and engaging musical of last fall. We need men and woman to date, and the guys are provided by artistic director Roy Alan and his golden-voiced counterpart Patrick Brandt. Female logistical support arrives in the guise of the sultry blonde Heather Alexander, and her dark haired competition Colleen Renee Wilson.

The tunes are Broadway pop stylings, opening with Cantata For A First Date. Everyone arrives on stage in white robes and clean undies, running a bit late and dressing for the first meeting of Someone Special. It’s a cheap voyeuristic thrill, but it forces us to reflect all the work we go thought to meet someone who may turn out to be a complete loser. Following the opener is funny bit about two people who are so busy they decide to forgot the second through 5th date, the sex, and the first argument, and go right to the awkward One Year Later chance meeting. And you thought Starbucks was fast…

Well, dating’s not all roses and sweat, and the who gamut of sex driven silliness passes across stage – overenthusiastic parents, painful drives to meet the relatives, and long term stresses and stains building up and pushing couples apart. All provides fodder to the humor mill, and there’s even a Card Girl who sashays out to place cardboard sing on an easel for each number. She looked a bit iffy on here heels, but never ever did fall into the front row. Sometimes dating IS a bit of a boxing match, and sometimes it’s even fun, but in the WPPH world, it’s always an entertaining evening, even if you come alone.

Private Lives

By Noel Coward

Directed by Patrick Flick

Orlando UCF Shakespear Festival, Orlando Fla.

Every death simplifies someone’s life, but the same can’t be said for divorce. Elyot (Eric Hissom) and Amanda (Mindy Anders) married young, only to split in a crockery-smashing crescendo suitable for an early Sophia Loren Movie. Each moved on to even less suitable partner, hoping for peace if not romance. Amanda married Victor Prynne (Timothy Williams), a stuffed shirt of the first water, while Elyot hooked up with flapper ditz Sybil (Sarah Hankins), a bleached blonde with a voice that makes chewing tinfoil a pleasure. This is only mildly interesting until they end up in adjacent honeymoon suits in France, and the old flame re-ignites like smoldering rags soaked in linseed oil. Absence may make the heart grow fonder, but close proximity makes the battles more interesting, and before long the pair has run off to a secret apartment in Paris where they cycle between love and hate and vitriol every 5 minutes. Can this relationship be saved, or is the passion simply too hot? Sure, divorce lawyer fees are negligible on stage, so everyone gets a girl except the French maid Louise (Andrea Coleman). She just sputters and fumes en Francais making the audience either wish paid attention in high school French, or realize they really ARE at sophisticated theater event.

Funny? Heck, yeah, the cast of Private Lives puts plenty of sparks into this 1930 farce. True, divorce is not the shame it was when my mother grew up, but the situations are still fresh and the cast adept at playing them for the maximum in physical comedy. Hissom looks completely suave with his tuxedo and boyish sprig of black hair permanently glued to his forehead. There’s a sexual chemistry between him and the coolly elegant Anders that drives the action forward. Sarah Hankins, long known as the local Shakespearian Scream Queen, extends her voice work into the incredibly annoying Sybil, alternating between a girlish squeak and a hacking laugh. You’ll be glad you never woke up next to her after a three-night bender in Boca Raton. Even Tim William’s stiffness works wonders against Anders volatility – they say opposites attract, but not for more than a few months.

It’s good to see a more sophisticated yet accessible comedy cross this stage. The language is straightforward, almost all the jokes are still funny, and there’s more slapstick here than might be surmised from the script. I can’t imagine that Elyot and Amanda would ever have any peace in real lives, but they only exist for three shows and a matinee each week, and we need not look at them as role models, only as the people we agree glad we haven’t become. Waiter! Another round of Manhattans here! And bring an extra cherry! Thanks. Anyone got a light?

The Best Christmas Pageant Ever

By Barbara Robinson

Directed by Rus Blackwell

The Vine Theater, Orlando, Fla

Bravery is measured in many ways: staring down enemy fire, donating a kidney to a stranger, wresting poisonous snakes. These are the traditional measures of a man’s spirit, but in my mind, nothing takes more courage than putting 20 little kids on a stage and getting them to say lines, on cue, and not throw spitballs unless SPECIFICALLY called for in the stage direction. That’s where Rus Blackwell stands tall, willing ready and able to stage “The Best Christmas Pageant Ever,” a silly and way-too-close-to-reality peek behind the scenes of every church pageant ever produced. When indefatigable Helen Armstrong (Pat Barker) break a leg, directing the pageant falls to Grace Bradley (Stephanie Williams). She inherits the evil yet hyperactive Herdman Clan, a family so mean they even smoke cigars in the girl’s room during rehearsal. Not only do they lack any background in Christian theology, taking direction completely eludes then as well. Imogene Herdman (Alexia Corbin) bulls her way into the roll of Mary, volunteering to steal a baby for the run of the show if needed. Fiery little Gladys (Kaitlin Harrow) inverts the role of Angel of the Lord, stealing the birthday fund change and ad-libing the directions Saint Luke neglected to tell the shepherds looking for baby Jesus. Grace’s mortified daughter Beth (Jessie Richardson) narrates the horror and confusion, fearing no one will come to this awful production. She fails to realize nothing sells seats like controversial casting, and the house is packed, as everyone prays for disaster after 20 years of Helen’s sameness. In the end, the show is a hit, even though the Herdsman’s ditch the frankincense and bring a ham to the manger. That’s the sort of gift a hungry family can really use, even if they are Jewish.

Say what you will about children’s pageants, Beth’s father Bob (Matt Patton) summed it up best when he asked plaintively “Do I have to go?” Well, duh, YEAH, it’s your kid, who else is going? The Weekly? This show cuts out all that holiday angst – it’s fun, completely silly, and 100% true to life. Best of all, the actual pageant is cut to the bone, with just enough of the perquisite hymns to create a sense of time and place, but pared down to a minimalist half verse or two. When I was in Sunday school, we sang EVERY song in the book, and EVERY verse. Editing was not in the artist vocabulary of the Lutheran church, but here it shows that in religion, as in film, less IS more.

The Vines Theater is located in the Plaza Threatre complex on Bumby. For more information, please visit www.theplazatheatre.com

A Christmas Carol, In Five Parts

Adapted by Jim Helsinger

Directed by Russell Treyz

Orlando Shakespeare Festival, Orlando Fla

Must Scrooge always be portrayed as a capitalist golem, rubbing his gold doubloons and crooning “my precious, my precious”? Not here, where the lead reformable protagonist’s slot is filled by the evil, sputtering caricature of Uncle Pennybags (H Michael Walls). Without the grotesquery so many choose to cover him with, this Scrooge engenders hate while still looking as normal as any Victorian gentleman. Still, he’s every merchant’s worst nightmare, The Man Who Would Not By Stuff, and holds the stage as the 4 other actors ebb and flow around him, retelling the tale 20 or 30 times, perhaps even more if we figure in dog years…

Casting Doug Truelsen as the jovial ghost of Christmas present might seem a bit trite, but the big guy does well, perhaps requiring just a bit more volume when not dressed in his Irish washer woman drag last seen in “Couple of Blaguards.” Continuing the camp attack is Eric Hissom as both an overly optimistic Cratchit, and filling in as Mrs. Fezzywig with a hat suitable for the “My Fair Lady” down the road. Shakespearian Scream Queen Sarah Hankins covers all the female roles that need an actual female, and gets in a howler that will set your teeth on edge. I never felt this play really needs a scream, but it does play to strength of the company. Finally, an officious Tim Williams play the persistent Nephew as well as a surprisingly sardonic Christmas past. I’m in full agreement with him here – Christmases past are the best, and I always look forward to getting my tax forms on the 26th.

This show is light and airy, with camp overriding guilt and taking full advantages of the Margeson Theater technical prowess. Spirits pop up from the trap door, ill formed wreath windows drop from the heavens, and you wonder if they sweep up the fake snow and recycle it, or pop for fresh stuff every show. As grouchiness incarnate come around to embrace an in-house labor reform policy, a luminous London skyline flares on that amazing rear stage light screen. Scrooge pops for Cratchit’s goose, sending a likely lad to the “next street but one” to buy the prize fowl. Bows all around, and one question remains – Isn’t the “next street over but one” THIS street? Yeah, I thought so, but this is no season to bring up nits. Just buy more stuff; it’s what makes the poor happy.

For more information on UCF-Shakespeare, visit > http://www.shakespearefest.org/

My Fair Lady

Book and Lyric By Alan Lerner

Music by Fredrick Loewe

Directed by Alan Bruun

Starring Heather Lee Charles, Rick Stanley, Ron Schneider

Mad Cow Theatre, Orlando, Fla.

There’s nothing as constrictive as Middle class Morality, unless you consider upper class accents. That’s sort of the summary squib that motivates this classic tale of reform, rejection, and regionalism. Fellow language experts Professor Henry Higgins (Stanley) and Col. Pickering (Schneider) stumble across each other in Covent Garden where their mutual love of vowel sounds and class distinction draw them together. On a boastful brag, Higgins agrees to take cockney Eliza Doolittle and make her into something, just by manipulating her soft palate control. It’s a long row to hoe (LONG “O!” ROOOOOWD! And get that “H” in there! HA – HA – HOOOOOW! That’s better. Now do it again!) Success comes eventually, as it always does in the musical theater, and Liza is the talk of the town, stealing the hearts of everyone at the ball, and even ends up with a suitor just as useless as the one she could have had in Covent, the unemployable Freddy (Trevin Cooper).

Most productions of this stunning musical emphasize the romance between Higgins and Doolittle. Here, the emphasis is on Higgins’ self-centeredness. Stanley plays the role with a sharp animosity toward Liza that only begins to break in the very last scene, where he sort of asks her to come back, on his terms, to a relationship destined to fail before the sequel. The real chemistry on stage appears between Higgins and Pickering, with the two seeming to enjoy each other’s company more than that of Liza. Charles’s Liza IS a bit flat, and the main characters divide the work up into a Battle Of The Sexes skirmish more than a Battle To Get Sex. As one would expect, the singing is superb, from Stanley’s “Hymn to a Him”, Alfie Doolittle’s (Paul Andrews) “Get Me To The Church On Time” and “With A Little Bit Of Luck”. As in so many productions, the role of Freddy is assigned to another great voice, and I sincerely wish he had another number besides the excellent “On The Street Where You Live” to show off his talents.

This is the first show for Mad Cow in their 7th space in 7 years. The Stage Right space is a bit awkward, with the audience split into two evenly-spaced chunks set at right angles, making front row center the corner of two walls. Despite this, the cast was able to pull off the dance numbers in the few square feet allocated, even though it greatly reduced the spectacle of the ballroom scenes. Mad Cow’s MFL is an intimate show with an atypical focus, and since they seem to have a lock on the really good voices in town, it’s worth the trip half a block south of their old place.

For more information on Mad Cow, please visit www.madcowtheatre.com