19 Ways to Use a Crappy CD

Tim Wardyn

[[Crappy CD]] There are times when we here at Ink 19 get an album that sucks worse than an eight-pound Oreck. Occasionally we buy an album, or receive one as a gift (such as that nature/crap album “Rural Psychogeography,” which is a waste of space) that is supposed to be good, but turns out to sound like someone throwing up on the microphone or like the band put their guitars in front of the speakers and walked away. So what are we to do with those CDs that do not deserve a spot in our 700-disc players? Here are the 19 best ways I’ve found to utilize that crappy album and still get some use out of it.

1. Use it as a Frisbee.

1. Use it as a coaster for that generic soda (because the soda is worth more).

1. Stick it in the microwave and watch the fireworks display that ensues.

1. See how many times you can skip it across a body of water. Preferably a large body of water.

1. Stick it on a wall and see how many darts can actually penetrate the CD. I believe Britney Spears did this with her personal life this year.

1. Use it as a slot filler for the CDs that you are actually playing in your stereo.

1. As opposed to a coin flip, use a CD.

1. Hubcaps for your Power Wheels.

1. Strip the album and record something that you actually like.

1. Use it in next year’s gift exchange.

1. Laminate it and give it back to the person who gave it to you, or…

1. If you bought it, then give it someone who will despise it just as much as you, or…

1. Return it to any store that will take it back. Hey, store credit is better than audio feces.

1. Sharpen the edges and it can be used as a ninja throwing star or power saw blade.

1. Sneak it into a friend’s place and then laugh hysterically when you “find” it in his/her collection.

1. Go to an electronics store, place it in a random CD player, press play and leave.

1. Use it for hippie “wall art.”

1. Use it for bathroom tile.

1. Use it as a glow stick at the next rave. Don’t break it, just spin it around and around until you become as crazy as the idiots with glow sticks.

Yes, some of the choices were a stretch and others generic, but hey sometimes you get desperate. I hope that this helps you with the CDs that you just don’t know what to do with. Hopefully this past year was groovy and that 2005 is even better. ◼