Warped Tour Overview

Central Florida Fairgrounds • 7/30/99

Brett Martin

I had the chance to go to the Vans Warped Tour ‘99 for free, and also receive a backstage pass, and like most people when offered free stuff, I grabbed at it faster than a teenager going for a backstage pass. I went to the tour with a few of my friends, and arrived around noon. I’d like to note that this was the time the gates were supposed to open, so as we walked to the gates in the hottest time of the day, we were greeted by a swarm of hot sweaty and dirty punks. Now, I love the little shits as much as the next guy, but you try standing in line with them, and you would be pissed off, too.

As I reached the ticket gates, I felt like a cow being sent off to the slaughterhouse. The lady in front of me was going slower than the people in the rear of me, and as a result I was pressed up to her ass. Not wanting to touch the huge mass of the lady’s fat white ass in front of me, in order to maintain my spot in line I had to resort to a carefully orchestrated plan of pushing and dodging ‘til I finally spotted an opening. I ran for it, and in the process cut in front of some really old lady who was probably there for her kid.

Unlike most of the assholes in line, I went and got my ticket and went in. I didn’t decide to stand there blocking the way or have a conference, I just grabbed my ticket and went in.

Now, there are some things that most people don’t know about the workings of a tour or show. I will explain. Anyone can get a backstage pass, it’s nothing glamorous or special – hell, I even got one, and so did everyone’s mom, dad, brother, sister, boy/girlfriend, and gay uncle; any one in the press has to check in with the promoters of the tour, just to make sure that the prick that got the pass has a reason for being there (note: this only applies to the press, everybody else that I mentioned doesn’t need to do shit). I arrived at the pressroom to check in, and the lady who was in charge (who, by the way, was very nice and attractive) checked me off the list and that was it, I was off to enjoy the bands.

I set out to abuse my backstage pass for all that it was worth. All I ended up doing was taking pictures of the bands while they played (note: I didn’t get to take pictures of all the bands. It’s a long distance to cover, and besides, I’m a lazy bastard). I did this for most of the show, I had nothing else planned.

The Warped Tour was a great experience as tours go, even though it was hot and in the middle of the day, but you can’t blame them for the weather. The best part of the tour for me was when the lead singer of Less Than Jake was dressed up as a roadie and started passing out large amounts of warm Yoo-Hoo and T-shirts, and then later did one of the greatest shows that I have ever seen them do. ◼