Is The Pope Catholic?
by Jason Nelson
Fourteen times, I’ve seen them. They keep running at me. With skates
and fruit baskets they attack me. I’ve always considered fruit my friend,
and at the very least a wave from a distance acquaintance. Somewhere in the
entire scheme of things, in the entire scope of universal truths and
storage facility building plans, somewhere these fruits have turned on me.
I’ll never be sure how they got skates though. But I’ve seen clues doing
strange things with soap and cloth lined hangers. And it makes me cry.
There are some people who say men shouldn’t cry. But then I get nervous
when people start talking about my penis and tear ducts in the same
sentence. It makes me feel kinda funny. Tactics have been developed for
stopping the produce’s attacking ways. But refrigeration is always
something you want to avoid doing, unless you absolutely have to. And even
then only in ten degree intervals.
Next: “Religion’s Last Gasp”
