MUSIC REVIEW: Apostrophe FZ

by James MacLaren

Apostrophe by Frank Zappa (single cut)

Apostrophe’/Overnite Sensation

RYKODISC, Pumpko Industries, Ltd., 1974

1-818-PUMPKIN</b>

I used to think this was music for colliding planets or perhaps semi trucks

driving through large crowds of people at high speed. You know, like an entire

continent gets ripped from its foundation during the planetary collision and

sprays out into the vacuum of space, or maybe like there’s this semi, and it’s

just plowing through a crowd the size of Woodstock.

That kind of music.

But after listening to this once again, very carefully, I’ve changed my mind. I

no longer think this is music FOR anything. I now think it IS something.

And what it is, is a Tyrannosaurus Rex.

Big Lizard.

This little ditty (5:53) is the ultimate power trio exercise in sonic

intimidation. Bass, drums, and guitar. Just cut out all that other bullshit like

voices and violins and all that other limp wristed crap and kill things with the

basics.

A T-Rex, in case you didn’t know, is pure essence of hell, reduced to the bare

minimum. A very large mouth, chock full of knife-like teeth, a pair of beady

little eyes, and a pair of large, no-nonsense legs to allow it to get to

whatever the eyes have spotted, to let that mouth rip it to shreds and swallow

it.

Bad news.

I used to think that FZ’s guitar, quick and quirky with that funny hollow wah

wah pedal sound, detracted from this piece. Its trebly twitchings seemed to

clash with the immense weight and power of Jack Bruce’s bass and Jim Gordon’s

drums. Of course, that was before I realized that Zappa’s guitar was really the

Tyrannosaur’s eyes. Glittery. Nervous. Flicking first this way, then that.

Surveying the countryside for living creatures to rip asunder and devour.

When Apostrophe first cranks up (and it wastes exactly zero time getting right

down to business), all you can see at first is that awful mouth, with a set of

choppers that would do Charles Manson proud. That would be Jack Bruce’s bass.

Right after that, you realize that this vision from hell is mobile. Got a

whopper pair of legs to take it anywhere it wants to go. That would be Jim

Gordon’s drums. It’s not until a while later that you come to the horrified

realization that it’s looking for something, perhaps even you. FZ’s guitar has

arrived.

And when all the pieces are in place, your Tyrannosaur proceeds to go to work

and do its thing. The legs, while always intensely powerful and always there,

aren’t always propelling Mister Big Lizard across the landscape. Sometimes it’s

content to just stand there. But at other times it hops ominously in your

direction. Can’t ever be sure what it’s gonna do next. Better keep an eye on it.

And that mouth. Sometimes it’s not even open. But you always know them murderous

rows of dental hardware are in there. And when it opens up, there’s no denying

its evil intent. Worse yet, it goes over and bites your grandmother clean in

half and then doesn’t even bother to properly eat the pieces. Instead, the

Tyrannasaur’s wicked little eyes have spotted your little brother and it looks

like he’s going to be going down the hatch pretty quick here. You just might be

next. Definitely a bad scene.

All in all, the Tyrannosaurus Rex is a wonderful piece of machinery. Really

cool. Inside of me, there dwells a twelve-year old boy who can really appreciate

this kind of shit. For the most part (a few run-ins with the private property of

certain neighbors notwithstanding) he’s been a pretty good kid. Now that he

understands that FZ’s guitar is the Lizard’s fire control system, its eyes, he

completely approves of this “song.” I trust his judgement completely.

Maybe someday, somebody will dig up something even bigger and more horrific

than a Tyrannosaurus Rex, but I sorta doubt it. Whether or not that ever

happens, until then Apostrophe is going to be the meanest motherfucker going and

that’s just fine for me.

Play this one LOUD. And be sure to turn the bass all the way up.