Either The End or The Beginning
by Jason Nelson
I‘ve seen The End. Don’t worry about seeing it for yourself, because
you’ll be disappointed. All the bumper stickers and billboards build it up
way too much. But just in case you have some odd nerve disorder or are just
bored, I’ll give you the directions. Take the highway, I forget which one,
to the town of Felt in the Oklahoma panhandle. Once there turn on your
radio, press the scan button, and keep driving. At first you’ll wonder when
the radio scan will stop. You’ll watch the numbers rolling from 88 to 108,
become mesmerized and drive off the road into a ditch. Slap yourself, then
slap yourself again. When you hear a low grumbling crunching sound coming
from your cheek, then it is probably a good idea to stop hitting yourself.
Get back on the road, and keep driving until the scan finally stops and the
blaring country music scares the crap out of you. At this point clean
yourself up, change your underwear, turn south and you’re there at The End.
I’ll be honest though. I’ve only seen it from a distance. I was going to
stop. But after reading the tourism pamphlet on The Beginning and its 99
cent ham sandwiches just a few miles down the road, The End just didn’t
seem like that big…
Head On: “Just Right Before Unknown”
