Who’s your favorite Backstree… er, candidate?

by Isaac Airbourne

SOME GUY I’VE NEVER HEARD OF UNTIL A MONTH AGO SHOULD BE ELECTED TO REPRESENT MY COUNTRY!

George Bush –

This guy was already president. He was an evil man the first time around. Why vote for his clone? I’ve seen junior on TV and in video clips on the net, and he’s unbelievably boring and evil. Where the hell do they find guys like this? OK, so you want me to justify why I think he’s evil? For one thing, I’ve never heard of the guy and he wants to be my leader all of the sudden. His dad led us to die for oil in the early nineties and he never even admitted to it or apologized. “I wanna be just like my dad.” Well, fine. If this guy gets in, don’t be surprised if we end up running around with masks on in the video game called “Gulf War Syndrome” in the sandbox some time soon.

Al Gore –

Boring. A little less evil than George Bush. I think he’s at least got 1% interest in actually doing what the president is supposed to do. Whatever that is. I saw him on that MTV Hanging Out thing and he seemed unbelievably detached from the reality of real human beings. I’d rather see this guy president than George Bush. He looks at least like he’s a bit confusable and stupid. I don’t even know why he wants to be president.

Ralph Nader –

The only guy on the list who has actually been an ACTIVIST for a long as hell time, at least doing SOMETHING notable. This guy would go out and do shit regardless of if he was president or not. Maybe he’d turn the country more towards socialism, but damn… at least he’s honest about it. Reminds me of the whole Ross Perot concept. Some crazy guy off to the side who would get shit done instead of fucking around kissing babies all day.

What’s the difference, they’re all Freemasons. Like America even matters to them, they’ve got the whole universe to take over.