A Look Into the Future

A Look Into the Future

Since the previous 1000 years started out on a sour note, I think the next 1000 years will be pretty miserable. The Dark Ages, the Crusades, the conquest of the Western World, and the rise of the two-party system. It is amazing we made it to six billion people on this rock.

The 20th Century was an amazingly bloody hundred years. It opened with the Turkish massacre of untold millions of Armenians. It saw the rise of Fascism that gave history the Holocaust. Thirty years later, there was genocide in Cambodia, then Rwanda and Yugoslavia. This trend will not end in the future. As I write this, a cabal of Poughkeepsie Marxists is planning the ultimate destruction. It is written in their prophecy that there will be a religious uprising south of Winnipeg as the armies of the NHL assemble. This will culminate in the ultimate war eventually destroying every known religion on the planet and leading to the establishment of a universal cult of reverence around the pickled head of Lee Trevino.

The next 1000 years will see the aging of the world. With the aid of pills and supplements from the mega-conglomerates Pfizer and Merc-Medco will come immortality. Like Logan’s Run in reverse, breeding will be outlawed, and the last generation of young people will age until everyone has become a pill-popping, wrinkled mass of flesh bowing down to the preserved head of the great PGA tour pro.

Of course, space travel across galaxies will be achieved. NASA already has the jump on firing old people into space. Soon, that is all they’ll have left to do. They’ll empty out nursing homes on Earth and rocket them to Mars to work in the Viagra mines. Sources close to NASA divulged that they are already perfecting that sublime prune flavor to all their pureed space food.

A religious war on a global scale, the death of birth, and seniors in space. Not much to look forward to. Thank God I’m a 20th Century Man (but I don’t want to die here — thanks, Ray Davies).

Leave a Comment

Your email address will not be published. Required fields are marked with *

Cancel reply

Recently on Ink 19...

  • General Magic
    General Magic

    General Magic invented the smart phone in 2002, but just couldn’t get it to market. That’s just how they rolled.

  • Blue October
    Blue October

    Alternative 90s rockers Blue October rolled into Central Florida for a two-night run at House of Blues, and Michelle Wilson was blown away.

  • Pahokee
    Pahokee

    Pahokee produces sugar cane and poverty, but some the brighter students might make it to the big time with a college degree and a new zip code.

  • Sumo Princess
    Sumo Princess

    When An Electric Storm. (Educational Recordings) Review by Bob Pomeroy.

  • Laura Valle
    Laura Valle

    Charismatic. Review by Stacey Zering.

  • Ramen Shop
    Ramen Shop

    A young man searches for the secrets of his family and great Ramen.

  • Southern Avenue
    Southern Avenue

    Keep On (Concord Records). Review by James Mann.

  • Don Felder
    Don Felder

    Don Felder took music fans down Eagles’ memory lane at Disney Epcot’s® Garden Rocks Concert Series, and Michelle Wilson loved every nostalgic moment of it.

  • Alfred Sergel IV
    Alfred Sergel IV

    Alfred Sergel IVtet (The Tam Tam Group). Review by Stacey Zering.

  • Tanika Charles
    Tanika Charles

    The Gumption (Record Kicks). Review by Bob Pomeroy.

From the Archives