Grammar

by Jason Nelson

I was running really really slowly, mostly due to the little things

attached to my legs. Well, I suppose they’re not that little really. In

fact, if facts are what you want, those things are really really large.

You might be wondering why I’m so enamored with the word really. Well

really isn’t all it’s made out to be. In fact, if you’re still nagging

and insisting on having facts, really is just about four feet ten inches

tall and has to wear platform shoes just so it can dance on stage next

to teenage porn stars and not seem short. So what about those things on

my legs, you’re yelling and yelling until your throat seizes up, and

starts leaking a mustard colored fluid. I lost a wager betting on which

direction the wind whistled by vinyl siding, and you know how finicky

the wind is when it comes to fake wood styling. Now I have to drag

around heavy sentence fragments, at least until the commas stop playing

keep-away and laughing their little heads off.

Sno-Cone Church

The Steel is chasing me. For some reason I’ve made all the various

metals, aluminum, gold, steel and the others, angry and vengeful. A few

rivets and soda pop cans, clunking and clanking against the sidewalk,

are just about to catch me, when I leap through the doors of a rather

odd looking building. Before I can get up to resume my flight from these

bitter recyclables, two people dressed in rainbow colored robes grab my

shirt and drag me down a cold sticky floor. The building seems to be

entirely made of multi-colored piles of ice. A large wooden machine is

hanging from the ceiling, from which is flowing some kind of dense

syrupy liquid. A small crowd starts to sing fast food jingles, as they

force my head under the flow. After a few moments of terror, I notice

the liquid is a tasty mix of grape and cherry flavorings. I had almost

forgotten about the metals, when one of the rainbow robed people pulls

out a quarter. Before I can jostle free and run, the quarter imbeds

itself into my skull. Just before my mind goes blank, I can hear them

slurping and laughing with the lead sewage pipes and copper wiring,

joking about religion and its resultant construction techniques.