Don’t Be Such A Rubbernecking Asshole
by Chuck Bantam
Why the fuck did you stop? There’s no one in front of you. What the fuck are you looking at? A car? An accident? They’re pretty scary aren’t they? Do you feel like being involved in one yourself, asshole, because when you stop suddenly like that, people behind you have to brake suddenly to avoid hitting you. Yeah, I know that maybe they shouldn’t be riding so close to your stagnant ass but I’ve got news for you, they do! They’ll ride that shit within inches of causing a catastrophe in hopes of making you angry or maybe anoyed enough to move, expecially if you are in the left lane. And so you should move. Get the fuck out of the way, drive faster, but whatever you do don’t stop suddenly to look at an accident, moron. Are you sick?
Do you like blood? Do twisted smoldering metals, broken glass, and burned skin put happy thoughts in your head? Decapitations, mangled carcasses, emergency tracheotomies, am I turning you on? No? Then what the hell are you staring at? Are you scared because you never saw anything like that before or do you just want the scoop? Are you that fucking nosey that you can’t even focus on your own life? If you stop like that with an eighteen-wheeler on your back you may not be able to tell your story. Or if you do maybe it will be the one explaining how you lost your left arm and the use of your legs. These are the pleasant things I think about when I see people like you driving like that. Sometimes I hope to see drivers like you end up in accidents like that just so I can laugh at how your ignorance has taught you an important lesson. How do you like that? How do you like knowing that drivers like me are on the road? Believe me there are worse people than this. You should be more careful next time. Don’t be such a rubbernecking asshole.
Wait a minute! What in the hell are you doing now? You’re driving next to someone at the same speed. What kind of shit is that? There are two lanes, the left one is for passing. Do you see that pedal on the right? That one makes you go faster, genius. If you’re not going to go faster, slow down and get back in the right lane. Get behind the car going the same speed as you, not next to it! Do you even know where you are? Man, if I could just get to work without being killed by you idiots that would be just great.
I see people like you every day and I am not suprised at how many accidents there are each year. I’m not interested in these accidents. I don’t stop to look at them. The sight of blood usually makes me lightheaded. Most of the time when I’m driving and I see lights up ahead I get angry. I’m mad because that probably means that some idiot on the road has just ruined some poor person’s day or even life. Someone is always at fault. When I see accidents I focus on the people around me. I watch all you rubberneckers and wait for you to fuck up. I scramble to get away from you as you drift into my lane and come within inches of my bumper. I wonder how I can cause you to end up on the side of the road also and give you the best possible view of this tragedy you seek. If only I had a bigger car….