Technical Help Wanted
Anonymous Aerospace Corporation Wants YOU! Steady overtime and all the bad coffee you can stomach
Carl F Gauze
“anon”
Well, there’s no shame in a layoff from a busted optical or telecom company. After all, it’s not really your fault venture capitalists fell all over themselves to build the same networks for the same customers on the same assumptions everyone pulled out of their butts. Commercial Real Estate developers do it all the time. As a bright young engineer or computer programmer, we know you spent that stock option money like it was real, and now you need a real job with a real company that sends a real check every week. Of course, you’d prefer a stimulating work environment, and the chance to work off that debt. Well, Anonymous Aerospace Corporation provides a world of opportunity for technical people such as yourself.
Our employee-training program provides many opportunities to broaden your professional skills. There’s the popular AA21 program, a must for all those who hope to drift into management someday. Classes like “Dealing with Difficult People” and “Writing For Success” give you a leg up on the corporate ladder. Our Technical Education Series (TES) offers classes of a more esoteric nature, and while they must be taken on your own time, you always get a nice textbook that might run upwards of $100. And for all those government-mandated drudgery courses, there’s a state-of-the-art online Contextual Based Education System, which will enlighten you on the intricacies of Import-Export Law and Toxic Chemical Handling.
We also offer our employees the chance to work with some of the finest office supplies on the planet. A recent thrust involves the deployment and use of new, neon colored Post-it Notes. These bright spots on your desktop keep you on top of urgent meetings, phone numbers, and to-do lists that will never disappear into a morass of empty coffee cups and sticky faxes. And if you’ve ever dealt with a multipage document that just won’t stay together, Anonymous Aerospace prides itself on the ready and ample supplies of staples, awaiting the eager employee in office supply cabinets strategically located near water coolers and fire extinguishers plant-wide. Did we mention Quad Pads? These handy engineering aids will keep your thoughts and sketches on a neat, rectangular alignment no matter how many hours you put in.
While opportunities are boundless at our facility, please don’t over look the opportunities that lie in wait for the loyal and patient worker. After a brief five years of employment, a plethora of gift opportunities becomes available. Choose from such service awards as a ballpoint pen, a belt buckle, and even a small, functional clock, all proudly emblazoned with the Anonymous Aerospace Flying Dingbat logo. For the older employee, the 25-year selection offers such nifty items as Luggage, an up-to-date World Globe, or even a slightly larger functional clock. And the logo? Why, it’s graciously included as well.
Yes, Anonymous Aerospace Corporation just reeks of opportunity for the upwardly bound technical person. Applying is easy – just fill out our handy online application. Of course, proof of citizenship IS required for most positions, and we will need to ask a few personal questions, and maybe take a few personal samples for a quick analysis. Other than that, the process is quick, painless, and an open door to a real career – one that lasts more than one stock market cycle. Sign up today! ◼
